Length of Time

We tend to determine the price of one particular object or even people by seeing the length of time we’ve known them or sort and from time to time, we find it hard to let go, especially when we’re forced to put it to an end after all the sweet old memories together. It doesn’t take long getting used to loving somebody, it doesn’t take ages to lose somebody and it certainly doesn’t take forever to put away the sorrows somebody has given us. We recall the good times together instead of the bad when we are to let go, without affecting the friendship which has been strengthened day by day ever since the moment we met each other; we tell ourselves that time is not a factor when it comes to recovering from the injuries and pain but our determination and strong will, for all wounds can be healed, leaving the scars behind. Perhaps the length of time does affect us in a way that many would find it appropriate, that the longer it is, the harder to forget, the more heartache it may be and the worse we may become. Nevertheless, it can be overcome. 

On The Other Side

Every story has more than one version which shares dozens of perspectives and judges by many people who listen, where the different points of views create a different story and as it passes from one to another, an alternation will be made and a new chapter will be created. Classic, yet it happens a lot. On the other side of the phone, we would never know how a person truly feels and how he is handling the blast we just casted upon him, for all we hear is the voices and all we can do is to guess. Similarly, we have the truth and false on the other side of the story, where they are hard to be differentiated, just like how we are not able to differentiate the emotions of one particular person by listening to his voice or the way he replies, just like how we are not able to differentiate our lives from the others even when we know the time has come for us to let go. There is the land of wonders on the other side of the hill, on the other side of the community and on the other side of the hearts waiting for us to discover, where there are more than one option, more than one truth and more than one life for us to choose, for us to believe in and for us to live. 

Self-Centered

The experiences we’ve been through and the memories we’ve stored evolve only the happenings around us, for we see what we’ve seen and we hear what we’ve heard. Our lives are the universe itself, where the people around us would be the planets circling around in their very own pace and vice versa. We may be humble, we may be shy, but once in a while, we may have the urge of being in the center, the spotlight to the eyes which witness. We do not wish to be invisible to the people we care for, we do not want to be insignificant to those who are significant to us and we definitely not want to be the passersby in the lives of those who are more than just a passerby in ours. Hence, it is fine to be self-centered from time to time, because that’s who we are and what we do when we want something more than what we already have, when we are overwhelmed by the insecurity and dissatisfaction, when we found something that is worthy enough for us to fight for. 

Drinking

Was it because of the heartbreaking moments that one drinks? Was it because of the memories that he drinks? Was it because of the drinking that we drink? Funny. Was it because of the emotions that we’re drunk? Was it because of the sense of humor in us that we’re not walking straight on purpose? Was it because of us drinking slightly beyond our limits that we’re going high and crazy? I wonder. Perhaps it was because of us surrounded by friends that we enjoy drinking, perhaps it was because of us wanting to hypnotize ourselves that we drink one cup after another or perhaps it was because of us hoping that everything is just a dream by drinking more and more. It could be. Perhaps it was because of the alcohol that one goes blur and dizzy, perhaps it was because of the alcohol that he feels like crying over the past or perhaps it was because of the alcohol that the memories are being put together. As always.

Hidden Hints

Words are greatly used in communication other than physical contacts, eyes signaling and many more; powerful enough to kill a person’s confidence and strong enough to lift a person’s heart. Each question asked has its hidden messages, each message delivered has its hidden keywords and each keyword said has its hidden hints, where it is up to us whether we can interpret them or not. We’ve come across the scenarios where one is telling the other how much he has done in order to please that particular person and we’ve come across the conversations where one is putting his former actions into words so that he is pretty much appreciated. Those are the hints; though we may find them meaningless when it comes to a point where the listing is needed, where the so called sacrifices are to be exaggerated. Indeed there are times where a gentle reminder is required when we overlook the things one has done for us, but when that happens, it is either we start appreciating what we have or, we classify it under the insincerity.

Once Upon A Time

Many stories begin with ‘once upon a time’; well, at least that’s what happens when it comes to fairy tales. Perhaps many would have believed in the so called happy endings, especially the children, or perhaps, most of us don’t. There are plenty of ‘once upon a time’, but there are lesser ‘happily ever after’, where the products never meet the demands. Though some of us may feel grey when things don’t work out the way we wanted it to, life goes on and people change too; though we might be heartbroken and not able to stand up once more, we’ve got to snap ourselves out of it as it is not the end of the world. We have come this far for the living and we’ve been through what the others may or may not have, we have dozens of ‘once upon a time’ to share and a few ‘happily ever after’ to talk about, we have many more chapters to go and millions of comments waiting to be recorded; we take obstacles as the inspiration, we see failures as the stepping stones to success and at the very end of the day, we have a book of our very own lives, the ‘once upon a time’.

Examples

In most occasions, examples play a vital role in setting the boundaries, be it involves discipline purposes, daily routine or even fear. Experiences from the past are lessons learned in the present and examples set for the future. We may be afraid of the repetition of unwanted incidents, not wanting to go through the same procedures and time taken in order to heal all wounds; we might look forward to the future, hoping to have the same fascinating adventures like the people do in drama series, especially when it comes to romance; we are prone to bring in all examples from our personal experiences or even others’, to advice, to remind and to make sure we’re on the right paths, at least that’s what we think we are and where we should be. There are plenty of examples set around us, be they the good ones or the bad, be they the ones which manage to teach us a lesson or the other way round. All and all, we have the examples carved in our hearts, be they in the conscious mind or the subconscious.

Always

Always, we like to use the word ‘always’ when we find the similar incidents happening twice or more and always, we find ‘always’ pretty useful in most occasions, even though it is less applicable. Always, we share the stories of our lives, either making it more interesting or tragic with the additional word ‘always’ as it plays the role as an exaggerative term in our daily conversations from time to time, or not. Always, we share the same point with one particular person in one particular matter and as we go with the flow, we would say, “It has always been like this.” Always, we get so pissed that we bring in every little single detail of the history of one’s doings, adding in the magical word ‘always’ as we continue nagging and mumbling at one corner. Always, we forget the definition of ‘always’ and use it whenever we want, despite the fact that it is not ‘always’. Always, I use 'always' in some of the sentences because it sounds good and I do find it happens always.

Necessary & Unnecessary

What are the necessary and unnecessary? Which are the right and wrong? Those are the questions which would be answered only when the actions have been taken, where people would start judging our deeds and decisions, where we would then question ourselves even more if we are being questioned. Perhaps there are the reasons behind each goal, or maybe, there isn’t any at all. However, it is us who would be deciding the necessity of putting words into actions, whether it is a yes to compulsory or the opposite. We may have the vision, but not all visions will be carried out; we may have the will, but not all wills are strong enough to last. Necessary or not, we are the ones who decide; how much we can endure in order to put our visions into missions and how long we can last before we get our job done. When it comes to necessary and unnecessary, we decide instead of listening to the others, if and only if, we know it is the right thing to do and that where we are heading to.

Promoter

We may not be good in promoting sales, we might not be able to promote a person well, but we never stop promoting ourselves and the stories we’ve heard or the experiences we’ve been through. Promote as in sharing part of our chapters, where the third parties get to enter our world or perhaps, the world we’ve been listening to, be it the tales on how amazing a person used to be, the lessons we’ve learned when we choose to ignore what we shouldn’t be or the uncertainties which take place at the surroundings. Little by little we share and little by little we reveal the inner self, where we unlock the chamber of secret hidden deep inside our hearts, where the people who are willing to listen stay as we start promoting the chapters. Certainly, not everyone who stops by would buy the stories, our stories, but there is no harm trying, for there will be the someone who would listen and comes back to us again. 

Signature

Though many would have try their very best so that the chances of being overwhelmed by emotions can be lowered, there may still be the significant or insignificant changes in the way of presenting themselves and the way of expressing their ideas; the blog entries especially. Believe it or not, most of the entries revolve only the happenings around us; be they the political issues, family and friends. The slightest changes in emotions eventually lead to the changes in our signature, in the sense of the words and expressions being used in structuring sentences and topics, where people may take note of. Like many have said, the way we present ourselves is the impression we set, the signature we carry and so, when changes taken place, alternation will be taking place too.

Closest Distance

During school hours, we tend to categorize a person as someone he may or may not be, for we are not close enough to have a peek at the world in within; in short, an overall impression will be made as we observe one particular person. We are the beings of thousand masks, simply due to the hidden emotions and perspectives which we may or may not want to show; hence, it takes more than just a few minutes observations to discover more than what we can see from the surface. Closest distance as defined enables many to unlock the necessary and unnecessary, to see what we may or may not wish to know of, or even revealing the truths which seem so real and yet finding it hard to believe. The closest distance can be achieved when two persons are sitting next to each other, when they are meeting each other more often, and most importantly, when the chemistry in between is right; where they get to observe one and another up-close, where they get to build up the trust and understanding between two, where the reaction may take place and the bonds are linked.

Babysitter

Went out with the 11 years old and a big guy on Monday; watched Madagascar and snapped a few shots at the photo booth; I’m the babysitter of the day, watching the friend treating the young lady like a princess or perhaps, as a sister. Maybe he wasn’t the only one. Went out with three schoolmates on Tuesday, one my age whereas the other two are slightly younger; where the friend thinks I look like a babysitter as I have to search for the two boys when the show was about to start. Overall, I’ve seen a different type of bonding among all four within two days, a bond which may even surpass the one which holds a family together. Meaning, we can find ourselves home within the busy crowds, people we are comfortable with, be it one person or a group of people. We are not required to be biologically related to be in a family, we are not required to have the same surname to call each other brother and we are not required to be the same species to respect one and another as a living being. When the chemistry is right, everything shall be; does not matter if we are to babysit, does not matter if we are to act gay and does not matter if we are to make a fool out of us. 

Pass Forward

Watched a movie regarding a boy who came up with an idea to make the world a better place, which is by helping three people where each then proceeds doing the same; he calls it, passing forward. Come to think of it, how often does it come to our minds that we require no one to pay us back for what we’ve done but to bless the others as favors? And how many are willing do so? Unlike in the movie, we dare not bring a stranger home, provide him food and shelter for the night, give him money so that he can stand up once again; unlike in the movie, we do not give away our brand new Jaguar when we see a person’s car gets smashed and walk ourselves home in the rain with an umbrella; unlike in the movie, we would not help a robber in the get away, sneak him out to another area right under the polices’ noses. The world has changed, including the human hearts; and what we plan may or may not end up as planned. Like what happened in the movie, the person we’ve helped might not appreciate what we’ve done, letting us down; like what happened in the movie, we are too afraid to take actions so that things can be changed, though we know we should be; like what happened in the movie, not everyone will be moved by the idea but there will be someone who is and already started putting it into actions.

Back Out = Chances

A good soldier knows when to back out; we should know when to hand things over, especially when the decision is no longer in our hands or perhaps, when it is about time. It is not a must to be emotional for months over the loss of a relationship and there is no such necessity that we shut ourselves away from many others due to a failure. We’ve been hurt so bad that we don’t need extra scars on the outside and it is simply foolish to do so when we know it does not worth it; we know there are plenty of choices out there rather than just one and it is time we stop telling ourselves that is the only one. It isn’t that hard to put things aside, though there are times where it isn’t easy to make the decision of doing so; however, it can be done. Hence, it is no surprise when someone can accomplish the task given, by forgetting a relationship and never the person involved. One door closes, two doors open; ending a relationship is not equivalent to ending our lives as we have to move on, backing out from a life-risking situation is not equivalent to giving up our future as we’ll wait for the chances to strike once again.

Individualism

We are not required to act the way others would be, as we are the individuals, not sharing one mind or one soul; we may have one or two similar perspectives but definitely not all, simply because we are us and not others. In a relationship, one couple, two different souls and two different individuals; in a family, one bond, several souls and more individuals; in a circle, more bonds, more souls and many individuals. We may know which the best solution is, but it doesn’t mean we would apply it in life; we might understand one situation, but it doesn’t mean we would stop wondering the consequences with our imaginations go wild; we know there are the lies behind one truth and the truth behind all lies, but it doesn’t mean we wouldn’t buy it when one particular version of the story is told. A different step taken, a different decision made, and there comes the variation in perspectives and the individualism; making the difference.

Equilibrium

One and a half year has officially ended days ago. It isn’t a short period of time, but it isn’t that long either, not to mention it feels as if it was only yesterday where everything is taken place. Heart-touching moments there were, with the laughter and smiles; unexpected incidents there were, bringing the tears and sorrows along. We were pissed and annoyed, when there were the repetitions in words that one is useless, spreading the negative emotions; we were anxious and worried, when there were the expectations which we failed to achieve. Somehow I feel, we would loose something when we’ve came to a whole new phase in life, be it a non-living object, a relationship, a human being or the other organisms. Certainly, we gain as we loose and we loose as we gain; the equilibrium, I shall say. When a relationship is ended, we get ourselves a wider range of potential partners; when a chapter of the story is ended, we get to move on to the next and find out more. Every ending brings in a whole new beginning, to us and the people around. Sometimes we make the decisions of doing so, sometimes we don’t, but eventually, it takes place whether we like it or not; achieving the equilibrium.

Poem: Ego and Desire

One last dance is yet to be decided, wonder if there should be one.

The story has spread, and no taking back the words.

The thought is shared, regarding the one last dance.

Struggling between strong ego and desire, one soul is troubled and confused.

To do or not to do, it seems so easy and yet so hard.

To continue or not to, damage will be done either way.

Which is the better solution? Which is the destiny ahead?

What is the purpose of doing so? What is the purpose of not to?

Which should be the answer? The ego or desire?

Happiness & Sorrows

Happiness is built on sorrows, be it of our own or the rest of the world. Why? Without going through heartache moments and troubled souls, we would not have understand the meaning of happiness; without knowing how the others have suffered in order to live, we would not have known we are actually living in the happiness which many are asking for. When there are no problems, there would not be the questions and brain storming on working things out; when there are no negative emotions, the positive ones would not be reflected. Certainly, this is merely one way of saying it, as there could be the others depending on our perspectives.

Commitments

When we heard one particular couple has broken up, a friend commented saying, “I thought he’s committed in the relationship.” Frankly speaking, we do commit ourselves in our doings, but the question is how long it will be. Back to the simplest concept; who we are may not equal to who we were and what we do might not be the same as what we did. When we love, we love and when we don’t, it doesn’t mean that we never did. If we are not committed, we wouldn’t even get ourselves into troubles of solving questions and overcoming the obstacles ahead; if we are not committed, we wouldn’t have made the decision of going forward instead of living in the past; if we are not committed, we may not even bother to make the decisions in our lives. Committed or not is not the issue, but the limit of our commitments, in which may last for minutes, hours, days, months or even years, varying from one individual to another.

The Race

A teacher once told the class about rat race; a competition which we get ourselves involved with or without realizing it, to take a step forward and to upgrade our lives if possible. Like many others, we tend to compare ourselves with the rest of the world, especially when we are in a very competitive competition, where the more is no longer the merrier. Be they the rivals or the enemies, we keep an eye on them, especially on their progress; after all, it does us well if we get hold of the opponents’ strengths and weaknesses, doesn’t it? Perhaps this is one of those tiny little secrets which we would never share, that we tend to be jealous and envious when the rivals are way better than we are and that there are times where we hope the opponents would fall and so we will stand a chance to surpass them. Do we or do we not feel it that way sometimes? This is not a question seeking for an answer, but a question questioning us and the answer to the question shall be kept to ourselves.

Owned

It is rather funny that most people think they own one particular person by being in a relationship or worst, having sexual intercourse which may be due to the belief such that only the person we love most will have the key to unlock us from the inside, though some may have a change in mind regarding that statement. Unlike many other non-living objects, we human beings are expressive in a way, with all sorts of emotions stored as we love, hate and complain; precisely the reasons why there is no way we can own a person, literally. We don’t sit still at one corner like many dolls do, where the owners come to us as they please and leave as they wish; we are not locked inside the cages like some of the pets, where we’re trained to do as the masters told; we will never obey all the sayings of one particular person as we have a perspective of our own and perhaps, waiting for our chance to strike instead of being the puppets for the rest of our lives. Perhaps some may find the word “own” to be inappropriate when it comes to a relationship, but still, there are those who used it and still do, be they intentionally or not. We are responsible for our actions and decisions made, especially when it involves the relationships and partnerships, as we have chose to be with that particular someone; however, we’re not owned and never it will be.

Canned Fruit Drops

Went to the 100Yen shop next to Station 1 Café before meeting up with the rest and there I found this canned fruit drops which brought up the blurry pictures of this particular movie. Unfortunately, only one out of the six knows what I was talking about when I tried describing the pictures in my head regarding that movie. Perhaps it is some images from the past which have already embedded deep inside my heart and waiting to be awakened, or maybe that’s what would happen whenever we try to recall anything from the previous experiences. As what I remember, there was this kid who is so in love with that canned fruit drops that he adds in water just so he can tastes the sweetness when he finished all the candies. Such nostalgic I must say, as I did the same when I was way younger, just that mine was made in Malaysia instead of Japan. Guess it is part of the human nature that we try to ensure the happiness stays, where we enjoyed ourselves best with all the laughter and smiles, and never would we let go until we tasted the very last drop of it.

The Contract

It is a contract which would last for the year, to the end of this year, where we then move on separate ways. Sounds depressing, but it wouldn’t be long. Bet there are times where we have the urge of telling someone how we truly feel regarding one matter or a person, to share the little secret hidden at the bottom of our hearts and yet, there’s the other conscious telling us not to. The very first time sharing this little content of the so called contract, tears were rolling down the cheeks, which then regretted doing so because crying is not and shouldn’t be my thing; during the second time, there were no tears but only sigh; for the third time, it was somehow being expressed in a casual way, more of a relief or sort. Guess that’s how the time works in healing our wounds, little by little the pain is eased and we are then set free. Note the word ‘contract’ being used here is merely an exaggerative term as it does not explain the real situation; simply the similar feelings.

Good, Better, Best

Very often we wonder why the unexpected and unwanted incident would take place in our lives, which may somehow leaves its trace in our hearts and haunt us for one particular period of time. We might be questioning ourselves why and doubting our own capabilities or even charms; are we not good enough to cope with the world or perhaps the people by our sides for the very least? Are we supposed to be another person so that we can grab some attention instead of being who we really are? Are we so insensitive such that things happen behind our backs and we have no clue at all? We are good, but there’s the person who is always better, and never there will be the best among us as we may improve ourselves to a higher level every now and then. But what do we expect when we spend most of the time whining and telling ourselves how useless we are instead of putting in the efforts to be better? To surpass many others, we become a better self and certainly, we should prepare ourselves to be surpassed by the others too; the good, the better.

The Limited

I have limited time for a limited range of activities and circles which I would commit myself to, with the limited patience and passion to endure that particular range of obstacles and problems. Some may find this statement offensive and insulting, but that’s how it works, at least it is in my very own world. Along with the limitations which have already been set by us and the others, we live up to our dreams if we ever have one and we try discovering who we are, by scanning through the thoughts within the circles and sharing some of our own. We are always right until someone pointed it out on our behalf and we would still be right if we refuse to accept any of the mistakes we’ve made. The limited time as given, is merely the time we are willing to spend on one of our doings; the limited range of activities and circles as noted, are simply the people and events we tend to get ourselves attached to; the limited patience and passion as told, are the energy which may keep us going, be it through the thick and thin. The limited is simply, part of the limitations we've set for all.

Sensing In The Dark

When we are in the complete darkness, it is hard to have a clear vision, but that doesn’t mean we wouldn’t be able to see a thing and it doesn’t mean we wouldn’t watch where we are heading as we may still have our senses. Frankly speaking, there are times where we may have a better idea of the people around when we are in the total darkness, like how stars shine in the darkened sky and how different things seem to be with the lights out. We may see only the strengths and put the weaknesses aside, or perhaps the opposite instead; we may sense the invisible and ignore the visible as we no longer see things with our eyes; we prepare ourselves for the disappointments we may soon receive and ready to discover a stronger bonding within the circle. We are not helpless even when we’re at the greatest despair as we are capable of working something out, and it will never be the end of the world even when we’re surrounded by darkness as it would be a whole new opportunity for us to have a better view of the people around. When the time comes, we know what to do and what should be done, even in the dark itself, we know. 

Unpredictable Dreams

Haven’t been able to sleep well for the past two weeks, not with the dreams I’ve had. Perhaps this is a form of message of the subconscious mind, giving all sorts of clues and guidance regarding the events which are to take place or perhaps, it is simply a dream. It was all about loneliness and fear I suppose, where many who care were taken away and those who don’t stay, where the attacks were launched in order to keep on living and there I found my way. There were the disguise and tricks, to escape right under the enemies’ noses and aim for the peace waiting ahead; there were the heartache and tears, to do what it takes in order to survive and to wipe out the enemies ahead; there were me, myself and I, trying to differentiate what’s reality and what’s not, to make sure I will wake up from the dreams when the time is right. Dreaming is tiring but not always, it may act as the awakening potion and it may not be, it might boost the creativity and imagination but it may not work all the time. Not everyone likes to dream, but there will always be someone who desperately looking forward to; unpredictable as it is, dreams can bring a person to life and also capable of killing him in the same time.

Slowing Down

Time passes real fast, but everything seems to be slowing down. One week to go to the end of STPM, such short period of time and yet, it feels like ages. Blog entries are lesser than expected, which probably due to the comment received earlier, or perhaps the urge of procrastinating; just another excuse after all. Should things be this slow when it happens so quickly? Another month to new year, where everyone will then enters a whole new chapter of life, strictly no exceptional. Maybe we are suppose to enjoy ourselves to the fullest before everything is coming to an end, or perhaps it is merely the psychological issue that the time passes slower as we desperately looking forward to the upcoming events. As time passes at constant speed, we would have a better picture on what’s important and what’s not, that is if we open ourselves to more options and perspectives; as we experience things at different speed, we would obtain a different result too and as we’re slowing down, we might just be able to have a clearer vision of the future. Who knows?

Direct Translation

Perhaps it is due to the fact that I’m Chinese educated, perhaps I did not do enough readings or perhaps I’m simply not good enough, that I am still having the problem of direct translating my English from Mandarin, not to mention I did not even realize it in the first place till a friend of mine pointed it out, where I then seek for the opinions from third parties; a reassurance which turned out to be a disaster. Guess that’s that. From time to time we would translate the messages directly from an incident or a situation, which can sometimes be useful or maybe not. Say, we assume one is busy when he’s replying us late, where we then say goodbye and wish him good day; we assume the number of messages is directly proportional to how much a person cares about us or how close he is to us; we assume everything is fine when people are not showing any sign of dissatisfaction. Those are merely the assumptions being made, but as always, when we interpret it correctly, it will do us good and when we don’t, the effect is just the opposite. 

Standing Up

When it happens once, we take it as a lesson; when it happens twice, it could be our responsibility that it happened; when it happens thrice, something must be wrong. There is no coincidence, only fate and destiny; there is no fear which can never be overcome, only us. Incidents taken place when we least expected it or perhaps the opposite, be it to test our courage and capability or to push us to a higher level. We may be blaming ourselves or perhaps the others as well when the unwanted events happen, we might be questioning the fate when the unexpected taken place and we’d probably forget about the fact that things happen for a reason as we need an excuse to ease the pain and to move on. Always, we would be overwhelmed by emotions whenever we are less cautious and always, it would take us a period of time and effort just to get ourselves out from the mess. However, that doesn’t give us the excuse to continue pulling ourselves down and not concentrating on the tasks given, when we can stand up once again and ready to take down the world.  

Upholding Pride

When we are doing something which many think is inappropriate, we might not agree with them; however, when people are using it against us, how often does it come across our mind that we were once in their position too? An elder got pissed as he thinks the younger generations do not respect him as they are supposed to, felt offended and that it was inappropriate for them to make joke on him in public, even if they meant no harm. Yet, words from his mouth often give others bad impression regarding the younger ones, not to mention those are not facts but merely the created stories. When he is questioned, the only reply would be, “It does not matter if we’re to speak ill of the kids,” such disgusting manner. Since when only the adults’ pride must be upheld while the younger ones’ can be mortified? Psychologically, it may cause permanent damage to the very souls who are yet to learn about enduring countless attacks from the society and the people around. If we want to be respected by many, we must first learn to respect the others, even if that particular person is lower ranking than we are in the society, or simply a 7 years old kid. What comes around goes around and it certainly does not help in upholding our pride by mortifying others’.

Edition

We prone to edit the experiences we’ve been through, either making it into some sort of life-risking adventure or no-big-deal kind of daily routine. Perhaps we did it without realizing the fact that we did or perhaps we just want to make it more interesting and exciting. Whichever it is, it is still undeniable that we do edit our stories in life and certainly, this concept varies from one individual to another. As we speak, we may miss out a word or two, a sentence or two, and sometimes even a scene or two, where the truth lies; and as we pass on the messages, it would be the same either. Another funny thing is, there are times where we show off with other people’s experiences too, as though it is our own, not to mention we even edit it so that it can captures the attention of the listeners more. Each time we repeat the same plotline, each time we repeat the same facial expression and each time we try our very best to describe the so called experiences, picturing them to the third parties, it would be an edited version. It is after all, a way to express ourselves and our lives, to be better instead of just plain.

By One's Side

Always, we look for the people who are always by our sides and yet, we might miss them sometimes, not knowing their existence. If we are asked to describe a close friend, we would usually say that particular person stands by us always. Ironically, we acknowledge only those who we consider as one, those who have been by our sides all this while, those who have caught our attention and enter our world. When we give people chance in entering our lives, we give them the opportunity to show that they care and that they are those who can hold us up when we are about to fall; however, that does not mean that there is no one else who would do the same without us giving them the permission to, because there are indeed those who not care how often we not see them, as long as they can be by our sides. For now, they might be insignificant, they may be invisible and they could be a stranger passerby, but in the days to come, we would never know how it will turn out to be. To stand by a person is easy, but to be acknowledged as someone who cares is sometimes harder than we think it could be. Personally, when one particular person shows that he cares at that particular moment where everything is just right, the bond will be formed, hence, being recognized as one who is by their sides always.

Pace Evolution

As we gradually move to the next level, the pace increases from slow to fast where the time taken to do so varies from one individual to another. Perhaps we might find things more difficult as we go on and feel that we’re not getting any better, but the truth is, we are, just that it is not so obvious. From the skills we’ve obtained, we improve them bit by bit, and sometimes, we may even remain on the same ground for one particular period of time, but it will never be long if we continue to boost ourselves. As we improve ourselves, the skills and strengths, we somehow find the previous lessons learned much easier compared to the first time we trying to get hold of them, and from time to time we realize it is only a piece of cake to carry out the task now than the old days back then. There’s a saying that practice makes perfect and since there’s no limitation to the so called perfect, we would always be better and better, as long as we continue practising. When people look at us, they may find us great, for we possessed the skills they do not have, but it doesn’t mean they can’t; when we look at those who are greater than we are, we might be envious, we might be jealous, but we can also achieve what they already have, if we put in the effort and time. The speed of the pace taken is less important, if we are to compare it with the result of hard work. Even if we can’t see the significant changes, it doesn’t mean that we did not change, because we did and we may not have a clue at all.

Answers Interpretation

When people ask questions, we answer; however, how we answer would be determining the answers others may interpret them to be. Not many would speak up whatever they’ve known, or wish to tell, but always, they try to deliver the message in a way that they themselves might not notice it either, to ensure that we’re fine after the obstacles we’ve been through and so on. We on the other hand, may or may not realize the message within the messages received; if we do, we answer the questions without them knowing us knowing they’ve already known while assuring them we’re okay in the mean time; if we don’t, we’ll answer it anyway, just that it would be somehow different, in the sense of not answering the exact question that has been asked since we did not interpret it correctly in the first place. Sometimes we purposely pretend to not know the hidden messages, and give the answers people may or may not want to hear, for that answer itself is the answer we want them to hear, instead of the real answer from the bottom of our hearts. Indeed, they might not be happy, but from our point of view, we know which answer is the best, for both the parties or perhaps, only one.

Crying Baby

The baby is here again. The usual tactic, we distract his attention so that the parents can pull themselves out and attend some meeting. For the first two hours, everything seems to be interesting, where he reaches out his hands for every item in sight; cute. He then becomes a nightmare for both the elders, when he starts crying without having the ability to tell us exactly what he wants, other than shaking his head and continue crying out loud. This is the first time ever having a baby over, and we give up; babies are usually fun when they don’t have to stay over for hours without the parents around. One of the elders says, no one likes babies who try to get attention by crying and cry even louder when people want to comfort them. Guess that’s just how it works; we prefer those who don’t whine much, where the plans would go well as planned. When we can only make sounds in order to deliver messages rather than speaking it out, it would be a tough one, as people may interpret us wrongly or we send out the wrong signals. As we growing up, we learn to deliver the message better, though we may have learned it wrongly, we never know. However, even now that we can speak or pass out the correct messages, there are times where we tend to misuse it, which makes us no difference compared to crying babies, except we are bigger size than they are and more skills possessed.

Pet Society

Currently addicted to Pet Society; guess it’s the kind of game to kill boredom though it may be boring sometimes, especially when we non-stop clicking the pet to jump. With all the trophies waiting to be won, many willing to spend certain amount of coins purchasing the items provided in the shops, be it clothes, furniture and many more. Almost similar to our human life I must say; decorating the rooms and putting on fancy outfits. The differences are, we get to upgrade our house without having us to pay and we don’t have to work in order to earn money since it comes from the pet itself whenever we play with it or when we walk around the housing area. Come to think of it, there are plenty of games available in the market, which are some sort of the reflection of our lives. Perhaps it is a way to release tension, where we can be what we wanted to be, without having ourselves bounded by rules and regulations; perhaps it is us who are trying to find a place where we can fit in without having much worries compared to the reality, where we can hide ourselves from the troubles and obstacles ahead; perhaps it is a way for us to fulfill our desires with the aid of the internet world, even if they are not real; perhaps it is simply to kill time. All and all, there is a purpose and we are the ones who know what it could be.

化身

曾几何时，它是他的化身，代表他陪伴在我身旁。中型泰迪熊，带着绅士般的笑容，进入我的生活圈子。初次相识，我俩有着一定的距离；被收藏在橱内的它往往只能看见我房内的景观，而我则常常外出享受生活，两者处于不同的世界。然而，那寂寞的夜晚改变了我们。望着柜子里众多它的同类，我将它取出紧抱怀中，企图得到一些安慰。当然，它没让我失望。那瞬间，我的不安与焦虑完全消失。或许这只是心理因素，或许是他将它送及我身旁的缘故，或许是它的魔法带走了失落，我轻松了许多。我将它当成了他，直到他踏入异国土地亦是如此。它取代了他部分位置，成为他的化身，至少对我而言，它是。在漫漫长夜里，我拥它入眠；当孤寂侵入心头，我更是对它不舍；记得有一次我和他闹得不欢，竟理所当然的将它弃在一旁数夜。如今，我知道他是他，它是它，两者不能一并座谈。化身，是我们自己的思绪所创出来的精神寄托，现实生活中是否有此一谈则是个谜，待众人揭晓。

Glimpse of Hope

Does not matter how bad the situations seem to be, does not matter how many people not having faith in the relationships we’re currently in, does not matter how uncertain the future is, always, we try our best to catch every glimpse of hope which appears in sight, be it in the form of smile, tears or even one particular moment which captures our hearts most, and always, we would seek for its existence even if we almost missed it. This may be referring to those who have a broken heart waiting to be healed, who have a broken soul waiting to be completed and who have a broken lifestyle waiting to be corrected; this may be referring to those who are waiting for a better future so that things would be better, who are waiting for a better chance so that they can turn things around and who are waiting for a better decision made so that everything would be different. Sometimes we need no the others to tell us what’s important and what’s not, sometimes we do; sometimes we need no the others to warn us what’s dangerous and what’s not, sometimes we do; sometimes we need no the others to sound us what’s correct and what’s not, sometimes we do. But not always we listen to the advices of third parties, not always we snap ourselves out of the fantasy we are in and not always we accept the truth of lies, as we may still live upon the hopes which we’ve collected, upon the glimpse of hope which we’ve found.

As Long As

Wonder if it is a form of hypnotization due to the previous incident or the emotions can really be dealt with within four days; all calm and cool now. Guess letting go of something isn’t so bad, except the part where the memories together often pop up in mind, making us wonder how things would go in the future. Despite the fact that it is somehow awkward, it is still kind a cool to be informed earlier, isn’t it? Nevertheless, I am ready. When we are able to handle things on our own, we do it; when we can stand up by ourselves, we do it; when we are capable of something others can’t, we do it. Strong enough to be independent, tough enough to not always trouble others, firm enough to not influence by many emotions; those are what we usually think we should be. Certainly, we ask for help when we know we need it most, like many have said, a good soldier knows when to back out, for there will always be the chance to strike again. When the decision has been made, when the time is up, when it is a must, we do it, does not matter whether we can last, does not matter whether we would have a future, does not matter if it ends right here and now. As long as we’ve enjoyed ourselves, as long as we had a great time together, as long as we are still good and well, it is alright.

People Know

Sneaked out to a night gathering ten days before STPM and managed to get home before the mother does. Daring? Not exactly, not when we have support from others. Personally believe that each and every one of us has done things which not many people know of, be it something unspeakable or the opposite. It could be a dare or simply what we feel like doing, with or without much thinking, but all and all, sometimes supports are needed in order for us to carry out the decisions made and sometimes, words of influences from the peers can do the job just fine. The funny part is, when we think no one would have a clue on what we have done or going through, it always happens to be the opposite. Say, once travelled all the way to a different state so that a friend could meet up with the special someone and of course, the truth was kept away from both parents; at the very end of the day, father said he knows what we’ve been doing, and his friend saw us hanging around at the mall in state S. Another similar incident occurred where the father again, knows about the relationship which has been kept as a secret and that was when it is officially accepted by the family. Perhaps it was obvious enough for the old man to take note of or perhaps, his eyes are just too sharp to observe the surroundings and who knows how many more are as observant as he is out there in this world? It is not that people don’t know, just that sometimes, they choose not to talk about it.

Seeing Future

Finally understand that sort of feelings where we know how much longer we can live, where we discover the lifespan of one particular circle or even relationship; it isn’t easy after all, is it? As if we are actually counting down to the day we die, instead of one meaningful day or event. Personally know that each chapter has its very own limitations, not only in the sense of how far it may go, but also how different things may be in the days to come; just that, it has been much easier to think than to carrying out the tasks. Guess that’s just the way it is. Seeing the future can indeed be torturing at times and very often we wonder whether we are able to change it; the answer is yet to be found. One of the problems of able to see the future is, we will be put into dilemma and stuck in between two different conscious living in us; to change or not to change, to do or not to do, to speak or not to speak. Even if we know the exact date where everything is coming to an end, we still can’t help it but to feel despair and hurt; simply because we care. Though we are to enjoy those particular moments to the very end, we can’t help it but to feel miserable and helpless; simply because we are not ready to let go. A bit more to go before we enter a new year; till then I hope, I am ready to be gone.

After Lost & Confused

All lost and confused, where the sense of insecurity is so strong that we see no future ahead, which somehow equivalent to giving in and waiting for it coming to an end. We do not know what to do, yet want to do something in order to fix it; we do not wish to see it ends, yet start wondering the days after it happens; we do not want the awkward moments continue, yet remain silent in the phone for few seconds. Discovering the truth has always been hard, especially when we are informed by the third parties or perhaps figure it out on our own instead of the people responsible telling us; maintaining a relationship has never been easy, especially when there are the external and internal factors which play a role in affecting the situations and problems occurred, be it the differences in perspectives or distance in between. Sometimes wonder, when it is destined to be, why try so hard to stop it, to the point where we hypnotize ourselves to hold on. Perhaps this is a form of perspective which needs to be changed. Our lives would come to an end does not matter what we do or who we are, but that doesn’t mean we should put it to an end right here and now; even if relationships are to be ended, it does not mean we shouldn’t enjoy ourselves to the very last moment together. Everything looks so grey when we are lost and confused, when we couldn’t find our way out and when we are about to give up upon our hopes; however, it doesn’t mean that we cannot stand up once again and to live a better life.

End of Form6

Said goodbye to tuition life yesterday and soon enough, would be high school life as well. It has been one and a half years now, which somehow feels like ages, though it isn’t that long, compared to many others. Some may be feeling reluctant to put such enjoyable school life to an end, that they can no longer spend time with their friends as frequent as they are; some may be worrying that everything will not be the same, for the distance may set them apart and they would not be as not as close as they are; some may take this chance to create the memorable moments together with all the beloved classmates or schoolmates before everything is coming to an end, in the sense of no longer attending the same school as they are. Was once told that the bonds in between 6th Formers are usually stronger than any others, especially when we compare to the lower Forms, for we cherish the moments better and of course, this is not meant to offend anyone else as we know there are the stronger bonds among other Forms that we not know of. There is no doubt that all of us will still be in touch in the days to come, but the question is, how frequent? Well, it doesn’t matter really, because this is only the end of Form 6 school life, but never the friendships in between.

It Matters

Our lives have been unpredictable in a way, so are the circles around us, for we never know what might be coming up, not even the so called intuitions which may be accurate at times. Certainly, there is no harm in planning far ahead but, not everything can be planned for the near future; say, the relationships. How many would want to go through troubles and worries when they are involved in one particular bonding, wondering how long it can last when they do not wish to see everything coming to an end? Indeed, prediction can be made, only depends on the individuals whether they are willing to, for some may find it okay whereas the others think it is inappropriate as long as they are still in the relationship. On the other hand, there is such concept that we reveal our deepest desire through the words spoken and the questions being asked, be it the cravings for food or simply, the hope to see one particular person. Yes, we get worried from time to time, despite the fact that we are tired of doing so and yes, we can’t help it but to wonder about the worst case scenario with our imaginations go wild even if we hate it when it happens. When everything is right, the worst does not matter and when the road gets bumpy, even the most insignificant problem may cause the tsunami. For now, everything matters.

Voices in Silence

Right ear is not functioning well after some pressure applied and everything seems to be quieter; guess that’s the effect. When the air is no longer moving, our surroundings turn silent; when we lock ourselves in, we know nothing about the outside world; when we feel nothing, it is the time where we lose everything. Sometimes we wish to be left alone and sometimes, we don’t but always, we want people to be by our sides when we are to say the opposite desire. We don’t know everything on this planet and the universe but we assume us to be; we know nothing about the true definition of silent but we always say we do; we can’t move on with the helps of others but we insist that we can. There are the places where the silence lives, an unknown area to us the human beings. How often do we realize that we are nothing without the voices around, not only in the sense of words spoken but also the messages trying to be delivered, where we become part of the surrounding, coexist with the particles in air? What is the definition of silence? The absence of sound or a period of time without noises made. What do the voices mean to us? Essential messages that help us live as a man and not walking zombie. What does it mean when we hear nothing? It means everything.

Promises of Assurance

Funny thing though, we have been taking promises as a form of assurance. Always, we hear people saying, “I will be back, I promise,” “I will be a better person the next time we meet, I promise,” “Things will be all better in the near future, I promise.” And when they don’t mention the keyword, it would be our turn asking instead, “You promise?” Perhaps many take promises as the words which would never be broken, a form of contract agreed by both parties when there is no disapproval; perhaps some just like the sound of it, professional and yet casual. Is it our personality by nature that we want people to promise us things which would soon be done? Or it is us who are feeling insecure of the surrounding and circles? Either one, it is a fact that promises plays a very important role in many cases, be it between couples, friends and family; it secures our hearts and souls when the worst has come, it puts the troubled minds into sleep, it comforts us in many ways that we can hardly imagine. However, now that certain group of people start playing tricks using the promises made, it is no longer as magical as it used to be, where we lock ourselves up and observe before we are to believe in the words of others, where we see fulfilled promises as something rare and valuable, where we want the people around who are close enough to promise us the promises that can only be carried out by actions and not just words.  

Blaming Others

A kid fell and knocked his gum; the parents were shocked and the father started blaming the mother, saying that bad things always happen to his poor son whenever she is around. Heartache maybe, but is it necessary to blame the lady? Try carrying a baby in the womb for nine months. Yes, other than blaming ourselves when things go wrong, we even blame the fate, or the people around us. Very often, we would hear people complaining that they are not well treated by their fate, that they deserve something even better and that it is their destiny which causes them to go through such difficulties. Obstacles are indeed given ahead as we move on; however, not all problems are caused by the almighty, but us and how often do we realize our mistakes when we made one? There are those who blame their parents for not able to provide them a bigger shelter, to give them more pocket money and so able to compete with the peers; there are those who blame the siblings for sharing the love from both parents, that they don’t get to own the room by themselves, that they think they fail to get as much attention as the siblings do. We want a better life, but we take no action; we want a better family, but we are not one; we want a better circle, but we stick to the opposite. Does blaming the others really help to undo the damage being done and to take us to a higher ground? Doubt so.

Anniversary

A year it has been since the first entry and today is the one year anniversary; different emotions have been saved and the perspectives are shown in the blog since then. Always, people celebrate on the 100th days of being together, months or even years as they call it the anniversary; the annual recurring date of the past event, be it something personal or the opposite. Time is precious and the time being spent on something meaningful is even more, as it has evolved to be the memories which would be saved in our heads, where the word anniversary is then used to denote the length of one particular relationship or event down the journey of life. Both countdown and anniversary are related to the day we’re looking forward to, giving us hope and encouragement to hold on, a reminder to the past which we can never forget. The difference is, we countdown to the day which is yet to come and anniversary is a form of memorial to the past incident which occurred.

Obscene. Evil

Looking at the picture of a sexy bare back lady, a friend called it obscene; looking at the candid photo of a teacher which somehow looks funny, a friend said speak no evil. Why obscene and why evil? Perhaps it is simply an expression that we dislike one particular style of a person and that we should say nothing regarding the funny moments being captured in the camera, especially those candid shots. This is the result of variation in perspectives. Some do not agree to the fashion of wearing low cut tops or dresses where we show plenty of our skin whereas certain groups categorize it under beauty; Some enjoy taking candid as it always surprise us in a way as we don’t see the same poses over and over again but rather the moments where we don’t usually manage to capture whereas some find it offensive because that is their privacy. However, people tend to put the so called principles and views aside whenever they are not the person involved, in another words, no actions would be taken as long as they are not the ones in the picture where many others laughing at, not to mention we prone to not remember the feelings of being insulted or offended when we ourselves are teasing the others due to a photo or an act. Call that obscene? Not really. Call that evil? Don’t suppose so.

Teachers

All teachers teach, but not everyone teaches and those who teach not necessary able to deliver the message accordingly. We can find teachers in school, but also in the circles around us, for it is not a must to be a teacher before we can teach. Those who understand may not be able to teach and those who can teach may not understand what they are teaching. A simple theory with the simplest definition can sometimes be deadly, when we fail to interpret the meaning and when the channel is not right. Perhaps each and every one of us is a teacher, not realizing that we actually have students learning from our mistakes and from their own, that we are teaching them the lessons in life, chapters which we can never find in the books. Down the journey of life off we go, we find ourselves home and from one checkpoint to another, we get ourselves teachers, be they the teachers in school, a friend in the circles or even strangers by the roadside; it does not matter who they are or where they are from, as the most important fact is that we have learned, from the teachers who may not be teachers.

Shadows

Shadows come in different shapes and sizes, depending on the external factors. Always, we are able to see the people around us from a different angle and always, we fail to see ours instead. As a listener, we hear dozens of stories, be they the unspeakable or the opposite; as an advisor, we share the opinions of ours, hoping it can at least untie the dead knot in many; as a person, we need helps at times, especially when we are trapped within the world we can never imagine. When we are to say that shadows are our reflection in which they are telling us who we really are, note that it changes, just like how our roles vary from one situation to another; when we are being told that we are worthless, fight back and prove to those who never have faith in us, that we are not who they think we are as it can only be determined by our doings and not the words from their lips; when we are hypnotized by the perspectives of others and our low self-esteem that we are useless, it is time to wake up and take a good look at ourselves in the mirror, to recall the past and to change the future by alternating our current thoughts. Understand the shadows and we shall interpret our lives better, as each shadow has its very own story to tell, where we link them up all together before we are to discover who we really are.

Third Affection

Sometimes wonder, are we living our own dreams or of others’ instead? Is our doing related to what we like to do or even what we want to do in the first place? Why the opinions of third parties can affect us so bad that we lose control of the direction and even ourselves at times? Dreams can be real and the reality can be dreams; whichever it is, how clear are we? There is no clear cut, no nothing especially when the perspectives are all mixed up and we have no idea where to start with. We have those who are in dilemma when there are two or more options given, people who ask others to make the decisions on their behalf, individuals who struggling hard to survive and yet end up coming back to the starting point where the history repeats. What the others have to say are indirectly affecting our thoughts and decisions being made, which may boost us up to the top or perhaps, kick us down the bottomless pit; say, we agree with the others on how insignificant we are, we allow people to ruin our confidence being built after years of effort, we welcome them to tell us what we are instead of us searching for the answer. Indeed there are times where the third parties know better, but not always; as what they see might only be the surface and not the inner part of ours.

Wish List

We have a wish list of our own, be it obtaining an item, meeting a person or even making a dream comes true; however it is unpredictable how long it may takes to make them a reality instead of a dream. A question came into the mind; do we fulfill the dreams alone or we need help from the others as well? Perhaps many would say it is essential for us to fight for what we deserved, to complete the quests alone and to get what we jotted down in the wish list with our own bare hands; in which is close to impossible at times, but not always. On the other hand, there are those who ask favors from the people around when help is truly needed in order to achieve one of the aims stated in the wish list. Whichever ways being used is fine, as long as we earn it the way we should be, not through cons and lies, for the wish lists are so holy and pure as they contain the wishes and dreams of a person, where efforts will then be put in so that it would no longer be a dream, but for real.

On Stage

Standing on the stage where the audiences were hidden in the dark, as the light was so dim that we could barely see any, except for the spotlight which was shining on us, making our eyes went blind. Funny feeling it was, as if we are the items on the display shelf of the higher ground, where many can see what we do and who we are but not necessary us knowing who they are and what they do in return unless they are outstanding enough to show up under the same spotlight. In the current society of ours, we have different positions and grading; where people compete with one and another in order to climb to a higher ground, where many look forward to be at the higher position, where most of us think that we are at the top of the world and no one else can achieve what we already have. As we go higher, we tend to see nobody in sight, not exactly in the sense of we look down on the others but us prone to ignore what they have to say or have in mind, whereby we need a middleman in order to keep the two parties connected from time to time. On the other hand, we are often being judged by the visible and invisible, as there would always be the criticism does not matter what we do or how we do it, since there are the differences in perspectives and views. Anyhow, it is the spotlight which would determine us on who and where we are; to do so, we need to stand out among the crowd, to be on stage, be it in the sense of physical appearances, mentality or capability.

Demanding

It was a talk in the car, where one particular topic was brought up. Very often, we find people demanding in variety of areas, be it between the couple, friends and family or even among strangers. Perhaps we are being ignorant when it comes to our own attitudes, or maybe, we do not notice the fact that we are not as perfect as we think we are. From time to time we hear people saying sentences like, “I want you to smile,” “You should respect me because I am older,” “I didn’t expect him to do such a thing,” where some may be pissed and some feeling happy as the incidents occur, varying from one to another. Such demands or perhaps in another word, the requests are sometimes from the bottom of the heart when we truly mean it, does not matter whether it is in a good way, or bad way. This is how it usually goes; when we care for one particular person, we would ask for more, even if it seems to be ridiculous and harsh, as long as it does him good. On the other hand, the level of demands is sometimes proportional to the price we are paying, or even the prize we would be getting. Say, when we pay a certain amount of money, we demand for higher quality and also the quantity, if possible; as we spend our time and other ‘materials’ needed in order to get our hands on one particular item or person, we expect to earn something in return for the very least. A friend asked, “Aren’t we demanding?” Yes we are, in a way.

Risk Taking

There is a certain risk in the actions we choose to take, not necessary in the sense of bringing harm to our lives, but also affecting the decisions which soon to be made, the impression of others and the self-consciousness. When we are saying this particular incident or act is dangerous and that it might cost us our lives, where else in this world is safe and there is no such word as “danger”? When we are telling the others how dangerous the outside world is, as the unexpected events may take place anytime and anywhere, how sure are we that such unwanted incidents would not happen in the house, where our home sweet home is? There are indeed different categories of danger, where it may be due to natural occurrences or human acts and each of them has their very own role in this universe, creating the particular waves of mortality and natality. Risk is essential, does not matter who we are, what we do and where we are; a businessman takes the necessary risk to make his company well-known, a patient decided to go for the fifty percent in order to survive, a scientist goes through trial and error so that the truth can be found; all and all, one main purpose is to create our future, to bring ourselves forward and to survive in this world. Risks are not as scary as we think it can be, nor it is as dangerous as we think it would be, for it is the perspectives of ours which make it sounds like one and seem to be one.

Resemblance

We tend to see someone else in the shadow of a person, but not always, we see ourselves in the others. We are good in complaining, in pointing out the errors and weaknesses of the circles around us; however, never once we include ourselves in the counting, even if we do belong in that category. It is the resemblance they say, when we find a person with the most familiar attitude and smile, reminding us the one we once knew or still in touch with. On the other hand, resemblances can also be found in the actions or words being used and plenty of such similar occurrences taken place in the surrounding, where one tends to repeat the same old doing he once dislikes, as if it is a form of revenge on the following generations; say, a woman who purposely make things difficult for the daughter-in-law, though she once been through the same and truly understand how it feels. Is it our personality by nature, that we erase the memories of us being in the same situation, that we hypnotize ourselves to behave in such a way that the history repeats? Or perhaps we are simply forgetful, not remember how it once felt like when we personally going through? Even if we do recall the previous moments where we suffered, some may just ignore the fact how much pain it can bring and say, “Now you know how I feel.” Such irony and yet frequently found in the society.

Nightmares

It was years ago since the last nightmare; a skeleton popped out from a box, chasing after the girl, who ran as fast as she could, not looking back, all the way to her mother’s room. Waking up in the middle of the night has never been good, as it could either be due to insomnia or a dream which would freak us out terribly; whichever it is, it is unpleasant. Yesterday, the mutated species showed up, trying to bite her neck off. Awful feelings having to be stared by an unknown, seeing two shadows standing outside the room and that no one else is there to lend her their helping hands; it was only a dream, yet, the anxiety, the fear and the helplessness were so real. The two shadows were the last sight of the nightmare, where she is again back to reality, knowing it was merely a dream, where a text was sent to the dearest who is 15 hours away, seeking for comfort and a call was then received. Smile. Perhaps this is the only advantage of having nightmares, to know someone is there by our sides, reminding us that it was just a dream and nothing more, supporting us when we are about to collapse, telling us everything would be fine and that we are safe. With the company of those who care, we are able to sleep soundly; just like how we used to squeeze ourselves in between our parents whenever we have nightmares, like what we always do whenever we wake up in the middle of the night; simply because we know that we are safe, especially we have someone who cares.

Without You

Without opinions from the third parties, we might not know that we’re wrong at times; without the words from people who care, we would not know how wrong we can be; without emotions being shown by the people around, we see nothing but ourselves. Over the time, we notice the differences from one to another just by communicating, interacting and through bonding, where we learn to review our past, be it the things we’ve committed or the words we’ve spoken, where we then proceed with changes, hoping for a better tomorrow. Perhaps this is the way as it is, that we can never step forward without others, that we see no future if it is just us alone, that we are individuals in a community, a society where we are living in. Personally learned a few lessons through relationships, which includes friendships and the biological related circles; where the understanding has been made by exchanging opinions and thoughts, realizing the fact that some attitudes have indeed brought anger and tears to the loved one, where changes are to be made in order to maintain or perhaps, bringing the relationship up to another level. A toast to each and every one of us, as we play the essential role in the lives of others, making a difference and creating the future, cheers.

Suicidal

Every now and then we receive news regarding suicide cases, stories where one tries to end his life by cutting the wrist and so on; which now being categorized as sin against the rules living on this planet, where the perspectives regarding this matter vary from one to another due to different influences. Suicidal, the intention of ending one’s lifespan or causes destruction of one’s interest and careers; in which personally find it applicable in our daily actions as well, not in the sense of giving up upon our lives and dreams, but the moment where we are losing our heads and commit the most ridiculous ever, yet still find it appropriate. When we are too angry or upset, to the point where we find our doings and words are somehow the best, it might turn out to be the other way round; say, we prove that we’re not afraid of death and that we have nothing else to lose by driving our car towards an innocent passerby, where the person on the passenger seat stopped us and we then brag about how incredible we are to the third party. Pathetic it is, indirectly killing the connection we’ve made and ruin that impression of ours; is that not one of the suicide cases committed? Well, like what they always say, anger is one alphabet away from danger and depression is bad for health; when we fail to control the emotions, what we do or say might just be equivalent to suicidal and we never know.

Wanted

It is easy to list out the things which we dislike, but sometimes it is hard to tell what we wanted most. We might be jealous or feeling envious of what the others have, be it the skills they possess or the incidents occurred to them; where we tend to compare with one and another, from what we have been through to who we are. Certainly, we’ve done things which we regretted most, we’ve heard rumors which we find it pointless to know and we’ve said the words which bring pain us and to the rest of the world; all and all, those might not be what we intend to do in the first place, or perhaps, they are. When we were younger, way before we are exposed to more options and decisions, it is either we have no clue of what we want to do, or we can answer the questions being asked without any hesitation. However, after going through dozens of incidents where the expected turns out to be unexpected, our confidence has been killed by the uncertainties, surrounded by the mist while searching our ways out. Time consuming it is, in order to figure what we wanted most, and hence work our through; but who knows, we might be in luck.

Mind's Eye

At times we want people to see what we see, to hear what we hear and to know what we know; forgetting the fact that they sometimes see what we don’t see, hear what we don’t hear and know what we not know of. From time to time we wonder why there are people who always seem to be against our perspectives and ideas, where we find it hard to meet someone who shares the same opinions as we do, where we feel desperate and empty, where we are not motivated enough to keep on searching. Perhaps it is just us who not want to speak up our minds, thus missing the channels which would lead us to our kind, forming the bridge between two different worlds; perhaps we are not patient enough to listen or even give them the time needed, as we refuse to go deeper than the surface we ever come across with, thinking there is no such necessity to do so; perhaps we are simply stubborn, holding on to the belief that no one shares the common in us at all, hence overlook the people who we have been searching for eternity, though they are right here by our sides. Emotions, actions and thoughts; each plays a part in creating an individual, each comes along with different combinations and each brings about varieties of influences and effects. To find a person who shares at least one thing in common, we shall learn to use the mind's eye, as our eyes and heart alone are not enough.

Blending In

Come to a foreign place, where everything seems to be unfamiliar and not known, where we feel alienated and miss our home the most. It is not necessary to be us who couldn’t speak and failed to blend with the groups, but us who are not able to accept and let go. Remembering first moved in and enrolled into new school, attitude changed from a girl who once not afraid of getting involved in arguments and fights to a girl who minds her own business and sweeps the floor whenever she is early. Certainly, things changed later on when new friends are found, where she is back on track, including fighting the opposite gender; when she finally accepts the fact that she has to move on and let go, with the help of the soon to be familiar faces who started their first conversation. Perhaps some may find it as easy as a piece of cake when it comes to socializing as all we have to do is to speak up and smile. True enough but, how many tend to have the smiles off their faces when the crowd is gone? Blending in might not be the root of the alienation we are going through after all, but our hearts which determine us and the following paths. We need something to hold onto in order to stay, be it a group of people or simply a dream coming true; we need to be home in order to feel home, be it with the biological family or the opposite; the time will comes when we are ready to let go, when we finally blended in.

Worthy Tears

There’s a message going around; no men or women worth our tears and when they do, they won’t make us cry either. A statement in which, is partially true. We Homo sapiens are none other than emotional beings, who undergo evolution from time to time, with high imagination and creativity, bringing new era to the very land. As what the definition defines, emotions are shown when we are moved by one particular incident, person or atmosphere, be it joyful, depress or anger. There is also another saying regarding this attitude of ours, that emotions exist only when we care, though it is not necessary to be shown in public, as some may find it personal. Tears are the result of emotions, where it occurs when we are thrilled, upset or pissed. Believe it or not, sometimes it is uncontrollable. Does the statement really apply for all situations? Doubt so. If it does, does that not mean we should blacklist anyone who brings us our tears? Emotions exist in relationships, be it in between lovers, friends or family; without them, we are nothing but walking zombies with no expressions. Worthy or not, it is up to us who determine, with the influences from external factors; though we usually find it worthless after the unwanted incident happens and the opposite when everything goes well.

Differentiation

When we get hold of something, be it the information or rumours, we tend to find things different from how we used to see them, as we have affected by the information received, the object we have obtained. If we have the ability to see the future, it will no longer be the same as we would have changed them when it is not the way we wanted them to be and similarly, our perspectives undergo such differentiation when something new is added in, where we prone to find things obvious though it might not be in the eyes of third parties who have no clue on what is going on. What is done is done and will definitely leave its remarks in our memories, be it the things we have spoken, the rumours we have heard or the doings we’ve went through. We are welcomed to delete the past messages received and throw away the items we’ve accepted, but one thing for sure, differentiation in thoughts and doings is irreversible, does not matter how much we are to deny such facts as things will never go back to how it used to be, only to be differentiated further. The changes may now be insignificant but days after, it would pile up and become the significant; our so called, differentiation.

Clarification

Doubts, questions and wonders; where we want clarification to be made and yet not able to do so due to variety of reasons, hence, leaving it aside, hoping it will soon be over with. A misconception which many still apply daily as we are not brave enough to do what it takes in order to achieve what we wanted most, not to mention we couldn’t bear the pain and misery it might bring us at the very end. During the process of doubting the person we love, questioning the people we care for and wondering what might come up next which would simply kill the relationships we are currently in, we tend to be sensitive and overreact at times, where more questions will be asked, more doubts coming to the surface and more wonders would be taking over our heads. How does a clarification occur? Does it truly clarify all things which have come across our minds? Personally, not all doubts can be eliminated, not all questions will be answered and certainly not all wonders would remain to be, if we ourselves fail to accept the way as it is and overcoming it. “Problems which cannot be solved are not problems,” quoted from a wise teacher. Hence, clarification occurs only when we are able to talk things out, when we choose to share all the relative wonders and doubts, when we are able to solve the problems.

Category of Advices

Dozens of methods there are, to boost our studies and careers; many advices given, in the sense of encouragements and opinions. Perhaps we know what we are doing and what should be done, or maybe we simply don’t, while the others seem to always think that we have no clue on what we are going through and that, is when the nagging comes in, where we find annoyance and impatience. Some may say there is no harm in listening to the advices, as it is not a necessity to apply if we find them inappropriate; some might be thinking that the third parties know nothing about our situations, hence not see the reasons why we even bother to listen; and some on the other hand would take the advices as the guide to success, for those are the summaries of lifetime experiences and ventures. At the very end of the day, it is us who decide what to do and which to apply, does not matter whether we agree to what the others have to say and it is us who are to bear the outcomes of our decisions being made, be it in the long run or short. How we categorize each type of advices depending on how we look at it and who that person is, if we are to accept it.

Manner of Silence

From time to time, we choose to remain silent when we are not satisfied with the service in one restaurant, when we are too pissed to talk, when we see no reason to speak about all emotions of ours. We refuse to visit that particular shop lot, we complain to the third parties or we simply keep it to our own instead of giving them our comments on further improvements, reason with them and speak up. Some may think it is more appropriate to spill and not leave it at one side, some may find it rude to comment directly on their faces and some may say, “Just let it be.” Perhaps it is due to the teaching we’ve been received since young, that we shall leave the insignificants aside, not exaggerating the problems but to minimize it to the maximum, to none. To be honest, how many can actually ignore the dissatisfaction just like that, to not feel a thing after an incident which might just get on our nerves? Not many, except those who can get things off their minds as easy as a piece of cake. Remembering what the adults used to say, remaining silent is a form of manner in our current society, where the nobility is shown in a way. True enough, as our emotions are hidden behind the mask.

The Light

I was told about the light of mine goes dimmer, unlike the previous time where it shines so bright. Come to think of it, we often express others in terms of light, be they cheerful, mysterious or not known, where the brightness varies from one to another. Remembering the old game my father used to play, “Age of Empire”; strategies are needed and we are required to move fast in preparing our army before the enemies are to attack. We explore the areas where the war is about to take place, to learn more about the opponent’s strengths and weaknesses, to equip ourselves better. Each step we take, a particular area of the surrounding is lightened, completing part of the map we have; and the bigger group we are in, the brighter it seems to be. Applying that in our lives, we shine; does not matter who we are, what we are and what we do. Even if we think we are the most insignificant among all, we still shine, as that is who we can be, with or without us knowing. Indeed we may not only bring happiness to the people around, but also sorrows and anger; however, it does not mean that we don’t shine, because we still do and will continue to be. All and all, it is our choice on how bright we want ourselves to be; to shine for us alone or to shine for all.

Late or Early?

Changes occur in the surroundings, in people, be it now or later; hence, it has never been too late to change but it will always be too early to judge a person, an incident or the future according to what we’ve seen. Perhaps some may say, what is done is done, a fact which can never be changed. It is indeed. However, the changes we now refer to are not equivalent to changing the past, but the future. Damage can never be removed, but it fades when we give it the permission to. So why hold on to the painful memories when we know changes can be made in the future, in our future? We don’t just sit there and feel miserable for life when we make mistakes; we make a change so that the history does not repeat itself. On the other hand, we do not conclude an ending when we have a choice to make, when there are the external factors which may causes variation, when it is too early to come to an end. We mold the future of our own, we predict the unpredictable and we hypnotize our very own thoughts, just so we think changes will not occur, as we are too afraid to face the reality, as we feel that changes are not reliable, as our sense of security is challenged; and at the very end of the day, we find ourselves trapped in between. It is hard to not come to a conclusion of our own but it brings no harm to go with the flow once in a while when we cannot move on further.

文与情

任文字再怎么的优美、再怎么的动人，却未必足以表达我们的情感与思绪，只因我们情不自禁的将精神投入在句子当中，而忽略了原先所要传达的事项及感受。然而，真正的美又是如何？或许一些简单的词句即可，也许只要放入一些感情即可；是这样吗？当我们将句子复杂化，得到的又会是什么？上一回投稿获得了回应，“愿见情感，而非文字”。对，无情的文章无法让人感受到写者的用意，只有文字的跳动。但要如何才能达到该水准呢？一试再试，仍不住的注重于用词与文句，即使投入的情感已足够，即使花费的时间已过多。难道多年来的受训只要我们利用文字组成美丽词句吗？或许再怎么好的文章仍有瑕疵，只因我们并非完美；也许这只是我们要求过高，而无法达到目标。批评与不满，欣赏与感动，两个相反的组合形成了我们今日的生活与协调，造就了我们现代的和平与满足。望有哪一天我能真正的突破自己所能，创下深入人心的文句，留下自己。

Rival & Competitor

Competitor can sometimes be replaced with the word ‘rival’, where two persons see each other as equal match instead of an opponent who must be defeated. Other than comparing our current results with the previous one, we compare ourselves from one to another, to know how good we are, to see how far we go, and to have a rival of our own; unavoidable comparisons which are to be made, be it involves only us or the rest of the world. Perhaps it has been part of our lives that we compare each other without us knowing, that we always judge ourselves and the others, that we sometimes not admitting the fact that we are comparing one from another. Moreover, there is a misconception that having rivals is unspeakable, the worst of all comparisons being made while it actually helps in improving ourselves, bringing us forward and further from where we are as it somehow gives us the motivation to work harder in order to exceed all people, especially the rivals. Personally, it is our hearts which determine the outcome of such rivaling, based on how we look at it and how we are to deal with it. When we fail to accept the fact that we cannot surpass the others, when we hate it so much of being the losers and when we overwhelmed by jealousy and hatred, we would then find ourselves becoming the worst ever, where we no longer take our rivals as rivals, but a competitor, an opponent, and an enemy.

Overdose

We take actions one after another, be it to speak or to act; we apologize for the things we have done which hurt the feelings of others, we thank the people who lend us the helping hands when we are desperate for one and we show the world what we are capable of, why we are here for and how we are to complete the tasks given. Always, we apologize after an incident, a word or an act, does not matter whether we truly accept the fact that we are at fault or simply say it for the sake of doing so, as if it has already became one of the must-say in our daily routines. On the contrary, we seldom thank people for what they have done for us, say, thanking the waiter for serving the table has somehow being banned in certain groups as some may think that it is our right to be served since we are the ones paying. When it comes to love, people either go all hyper or the opposite, where love is too common or too rare to be found, where some may take it less important and some say it is the best we can ever have, where we either not know what else can be said other than or only know the phrase “I love you”. All which evolve around us are none other than apology, appreciation and love; which now have been overused, hence not able to achieve the optimum effect of what it is supposed to be.

相比

无论是谈吐、举止、样貌或身型，我们在外头的一举一动难免不夺他人目光，只因人类天生好奇，也专爱比较身边的人事物。诺是稍有无礼之处，定会感受到别人投来异样的眼光。或许，互相比较是登上高峰的捷径，也是人们夸耀自己辉煌的最佳时机；也许，那只是我们生存的阴影，时时刻刻提防着外来的祸害。殊不知，这一切、一切都是人类所创、人类所犯、人类共拥有的特征与心理，误认为那是唯一在地球上自立的方法。适当的相比无害，可过度的比较却会惹来不相干的苦难；当我们因钱财而弃源，所失去的不单单是身外物，而是内心的荣耀与本性；当我们因人言而弃己弃人，所拥有的将成往事，包括身边的人事物；当我们不停的与他人相比，失去的不仅仅是过去所种下的爱及和谐，也遗弃了自己和至亲。如此的结局果真是人生一大高就吗？

Proofs

A message, a card, a phone call; to deliver the notes in our hearts, to ensure the emotions are shared and to secure the belief we’re holding on. Little words from the bottom of the hearts often put the smiles on our faces, reminding us the memories we once had together, which we choose to treasure it forever by keeping it in our very world, reading it over and over again whenever we feel like it, to assure the taste of sweetness never fades. Kind a familiar, isn’t it? We keep the memories in the forms of cards, messages and journals, a proof to every moment we wish to cherish, a reminder to the happiness we have had, a key to our hearts with all sorts of emotions being stored; at the very end of the day, it is nevertheless an insurance to our insecurity, to our forgetful minds and souls. However, we are easily hurt by words and actions taken, where the proofs would then bring us pain instead of laughter, where we choose to erase such memories from our heads though it is less likely to happen, where we then blame the fate of ours and the people who causes the incident. All and all, it is about the proofs to the smiles lifted on the faces, to the tears rolling down the cheeks and last but not least, to our existence on this planet.

Synonyms

While structuring sentences, we are told to use synonyms instead of the same word over and over again or even replacing one whole sentence with only one word which carries about the same meaning in order to beautify our writing. Certainly, we may make mistakes, be it in essays or daily conversations; however, the effect of the latter sometimes brings greater harm compared to the former one, as words can never be taken back once they are fled from our lips. Though we often say, “I take back what I’ve said,” it is still a fact that can never be erased, for it may remains in the memories of others, forgive but never forget. Error in transferring data and messages often occurs during communication with the wrong synonyms being used, which then causes argument, loss of trust or even chaos for the worst. How to minimize the harm of such mistakes may bring us really? Frankly, there are not many solutions other than us being extra careful of what we are to speak, especially when we are the messengers; it is pretty hard if you ask me, as we alone might not be able to make this works, not to mention we may even fail to control ourselves when we are overwhelmed by our emotions, which then use the wrong synonyms and followed by the consequences it causes. 

Planning

How often do we plan in life? Do we plan everything or perhaps most of it? How much can we plan? How far can we go with such planning? We never know. Certainly, it might not be easy to plan a perfect function, a perfect day or even a perfect life, as a great deal of skills are needed for such perfection, as we must first foresee the destiny of ours, as the preparation shall be done in order to face the upcoming obstacles and attacks. When it comes to planning, we are required to prepare a backup just in case, to minimize the possibility of the plan going off track, to face the worst, both mentally and physically. Perhaps some may ask, “How bad can it be?” Not so bad of course, only costs us our future or even the others’ at worst, depending on each individual’s definitions. We don’t usually plan the schedules when it comes to widening the social circles of ours, though some may apply the opposite in the current days in order to gain themselves interest and benefits all the way to the top. Actually, what is the purpose of planning? Perhaps it is to ensure our lives? Or maybe it is for the sake of doing so? Whichever or whatever it is, it varies from one to another, with our very own stories to tell.

The Funniest

Whenever we’re watching real life comedy, we tend to laugh out loud, to the point of having stomachache and sore cheeks, though it is an unfortunate event that has taken place, the typical saying of happiness being built on other people’s sorrows. On the other hand, we prone to remember better the incidents that we actually been through or perhaps the stories we’ve heard, especially the funny ones; where we often define them as the funniest. We laugh when a poop falls right from the sky onto a cone while the man eating it, we laugh when a mother asks the son same question over and other again as she can hardly remember the things she has said and we laugh when a kid falls into the toilet bowl by accident; scenes in the movies which always bring laughter to all who present in the cinema, be it the incident which is less likely to occur or those which often takes place in certain household. Seriously, what is the cause to such attitude? That we laugh when we are not supposed to? Perhaps it is our nature that we find things funny without realizing how painful it can be, that such events are the source of laughter as they are not part of the imagination but for real, that we are just easily influenced by the emotions of others; and I am one of them. 

Puppets

Personally choose to share experiences and stories instead of burdens, which then complained by a friend, that she feels outdated. Times where anger overwhelms the mind, thus having tons of words to be said, which then being held back so that the probability of offending a person is lower, as the chaos we have already caused is more than enough. It is an attitude which may not be so applicable in the eyes of many, at least to some particular groups, where they think a person should let the words out despite the fact that he is pissed; regardless the content and that understanding will be built thereafter. Sometimes wonder, are we the ones who responsible on what we are to do and to speak? Or it is our emotions instead? Either one, the effect is significant enough to bring us to the top or even, breaking the trust between two. Very often, we use the term ‘puppet’ whenever one is controlled by the other; in this case, are we one of those puppets to our emotions? Or perhaps to our actions and words spoken? Or even to ourselves? Anyhow, the responsibility is there, the choice is there and when we decided on one, we are automatically responsible on what we are to take and to face; as we are the puppets to our decisions, the words to be said and the actions to be taken, we are the puppets to ourselves.

Theme of Life

Most functions have their own themes, with different or perhaps the same originalities, ideas and purposes. Certainly, same goes to our lives. Like many others, theme is flexible enough to be changed from time to time, be it on purpose or the other way round. From a ball to cell phone monitor screen, theme is determined by the people in charged; discuss together as one maybe, a person has all say maybe. Anyhow, the theme tells us the main idea of one particular function; generally or specifically. What about us? Do we have the theme of our lives? Do we know the theme of our lives, of our roles? There are times where we are the ones who decide our own theme of life, with the influences from incidents taken place, we ourselves and the people around us, be they the one we love or the passersby. When we are wondering who we were, who we are and who we will be, we are figuring the path to our definition of truth; when we are trying hard to find out the purpose of our lives, the theme to our journey down the road, the role we are playing in all intersection of memories, we are leaving ourselves in the heads of others, of what we have said, what we have done and what we have heard.