Fun With Confession

What first come in mind when the word ‘confession’ is being used? Personally, it is an act where one expresses the deepest feelings in the bottom of the heart, an act which takes courage to do so, not to mention it is priceless. Not necessary to be in the sense of being involved in relationship, a confession can also be done when we are to acknowledge one particular person, appreciation and a job well done. A person who confesses the feelings of guilt for what he has done, who expresses the feelings hidden deep down in his heart, who shows the gratitude towards friends and even enemies. We have situations where one confesses the love when he is about to leave, where a person admits the fact that he is being selfish in one matter, where somebody expresses the feelings that he is treating this particular person as brother or sister; confessions which make a person’s life whole lot brighter, more optimistic and carefree, lifting up the smiles on all faces. However, there are those who misused such meaningful act by taking it as a joke on someone not knowing how valuable it can be to certain people, who simply put the three little words into use before they understand the actual meaning behind the phrases, who take confession as confession and not expression.

Poem: Charity Night

Smart casual, they say.

No jeans allowed.

Headache, I must say.

Think of the dress.

First time ever, with my own money I bought.

To the formal party, I went.

And being kept in the cupboard ever since.

Now it is time, taking it out once more.

Slipping it on, become a toy of the parent.

Friends come; to the charity night off we go.

Surprised and shocked, seeing jeans and casual.

Questioning the attire, but no can do.

With cameras and phones, pictures are taken.

For the memories of future, we pass it on.

Not the performances and food, but the company of all.

Night of flashes and greetings, there it ends.

Finally, we say.

Off for a drink.

Emergency Brakes

As defined, an action taken to stop one particular ongoing ‘incident’ within the shortest time period other than slowing down a vehicle itself. Comes to driving, there are times where we do not know when to use the ‘service’ provided by simply stepping on the device and go panic instead, which commonly happen around us. How fast are we suppose to react when actions should be taken? How do we know and how do we do it? Plenty of mistakes we would make in life, but the matter is how far are we to go before we brake, backing away from the deeper pitfalls and more complicated maze? We have learned how to go as fast as we could in order to keep up our paces along with the others, we have learned to minus off the talking and put in more working, even learned to do whatever it takes just to lay our hands on what we are aiming for. Still, do we know how to go as slow as possible, while maintaining our balance and needs? Do we know when we are to use our words to touch one’s heart? Do we know when to put a sentence to an end, the emergency brake to our doings? It has always been easy planning the to do list, even easier to back off from necessary troubles and the easiest when it comes to blaming on others but, it will always be the hardest to slow down our paces, knowing it is time to step on the braking device, to realize the goal and aims, taking another turn out of the maze, to truly understand the purpose of emergency brakes.

Alienation

Lunch with friends and their former schoolmates whereby the two ‘outsiders’ feeling rather alienated themselves. It is a pretty common situation where two different groups don’t usually mix around, unless one steps out of the zone and enters the grey. Chemistry in between is one thing, the mindset of one is the other. Very often, we tell ourselves that we do not belong to that particular group and eventually, we don’t, since we are not willing to take the first step introducing ourselves, widen up our circle of friends, but rather wait for the opposite to approach us or letting the middleman to do the job instead. Indeed, having to be in the situation where we know no one else but ourselves can be terrible at times, depending on individuals of course; however, it is crucial to have the skills of approaching people, be it someone we know or the other way round. We may have the impression that alienation takes place only when we are surrounded by the unknowns, which is totally wrong, for it too occurs when we are with our closest; two friends discussing issues we know nothing about, one is down which somehow drag in the friends during an outing, a friend in deep thoughts, shutting channels away. A form of insecurity the alienation is, taking place whenever we know nothing, doubting our knowledge and skills, our impressions and postures towards the others.

Breaking Point

From comic books and TV drama series, we’ve learned about the term ‘breaking point’, where it is capable of breaking rocks and solid objects with a single touch. Of course, it does not exactly applied in reality when it comes to breaking an item with a finger. However, things may be different if we are to replace it with one particular degree of tension instead. Non-living objects have their very own breaking points and so do we; the living beings. Nevertheless, the definition here varies from the one first mentioned. When we encounter problems or obstacles in life, no doubt we are able to overcome them, depending on individuals. Still, there are these little impacts which somehow being stored at some place in us and as time slips through our fingers, this particular ‘collection’ may be piling up, becoming a huge mountain whereby anytime, anything would be the last straw, to stroke our breaking points. Breaking down, we tear, we yell, we scream, releasing our anger, our grudge and ourselves; times where a pat on the shoulder, sincere words of consolatory, or simply a hug would put one back to the comfort zone, where there will be no pressure, no depression, no hatred but time for recovery and back to the battlefield again. When one is torn apart, broken down by certain incidents, pieces of the heart scatter everywhere, is fine, as it can be restored, but not to perfection. Why would we want to be perfect when we know there isn’t any? With the tiny pieces missing from our hearts, we know we’ve lived.

Pictures & Words

Indeed we may not remember very well after certain incidents take place, for a picture and words might do a better job in recording our feelings and situations than our memory does. However, as time goes by, not many exist in their original forms, not the corpses of once living animals or beings, not the water in our surroundings, not the technology we now living with nor the world we are living in, our definitions of words, our circles of friends and bonding, our thoughts and actions and the list goes on; similarly, it happens to the photographs and words being saved at one place, also, our memories. Though it is to say that pictures do not lie, for they capture that particular moment, nevertheless, a different story may be told if the photograph is taken from a different angle; words on the other hand are sometimes being used to decorate sentences, beautifying one situation, exaggerating certain feelings, however, there are times where we overuse them, hence lying to ourselves and the others instead. Infinite battle between two opposite elements, sayings and thoughts; when one hypothesis is raised, another will go against it someday, somehow; personally, pictures and words are nowhere better than our memories, for they would be nothing if we don’t remember anything, anything at all.

Dissection

A process where one may be afraid of, for it reveals the inner parts of oneself, be it acceptable or unacceptable. It may looks disgusting, terrifying when we are to observe others dissect that particular being using the scalpel, does not matter whether it is a frog, a rat or a corpse. There are times where we want to know something in details, but not to the point where we have to lay our hands on, searching for more. Actually, it is not as horrible as it seems, if and only if, we are able to overcome the fear, giving it a shot, cut off the skin and have a look at the inside. On the other hand, we tend to show the inner personalities hidden in us during the process; one who does not bother much about learning the veins and arteries but to see the inner structure of the rat instead, who leaves the rat as a whole and defines the word ‘play’ as something not removing all the organs on the inside, who pulls out the head and has a look at the brain and eyeball, who measures the length of the intestines and checks out the structure of the heart; attitudes which then enabling us to be categorized into future doctors and the other way round. In life, there are times where we are blindfolded by the past, hence do not dare to take up the similar challenge in the future, only until we leave it aside that we would be able to take the appropriate actions in overcoming that particular obstacle; being disgusted by certain situation and influenced by specific teaching being passed for generations, we are not daring enough to take another step forward, into the so called prohibited area; attitudes being shown as we move from one challenge to another, embedding particular impression of ours to the others, and us.

Racket of Life

Instead of saying love is a racket; perhaps we should consider substituting the ‘love’ with ‘life’, for it is a two ways relationship in almost everything we do, be it communicating, handling problems and many more. We expect people to be listening when we speak, to respond to our talking, to know when to remain quiet and when not to, to know our limits and theirs; dozens of expectations, based on one particular theory, which is to respond. We stay by one’s side, not making much noise while listening to the grumbles one has to say; we start laughing after being influenced by the laughter around, as it is rather contagious; we tend to be emotional when someone close is doing the same; we may even join forces with one particular person when it comes to raising our opinions among the crowd; all kinds of responses, all kinds of views, with all kinds of attitudes recorded down the slip of life. We tend to feel insecure when there is no response from the others, as if we are being left alone, where no one cares about us, willing to talk to us, communicate with us. Imagine the times where we get pissed off after dozens of times repeating the same old topic and nobody seems to be listening, where we walk out of the crowd when they look as if they are enjoying themselves without us, where we sometimes feel lonely after the people around stop comforting us like they used to be, where we no longer receive the response. Perhaps, this is one of the reasons why certain people talk to themselves instead of the others, to get rid of the insecurity in them after not receiving any responses?

By Force

After the break up, she throws everything he has given her away, deletes every single message she has been keeping in the phone all this while, telling others how cool she has been after the incident but leaving personal messages in the net that she is still sad. A phenomenon which can be seen around us, isn’t it? Despite the time one has tried to chase the once beloved person out of the head, it is somehow unavoidable that the memories remain. We have people who change phone number so that they can never be contacted, who start treating that particular person as cold as possible, who want that person to know the loss for giving up on the relationship, who eventually try calling the ‘past tense’ using a different number, who talk about the ‘past life’ with another close friend of that particular someone, who nowhere better than who they used to be after period of times giving up on their very own lives instead. Suffering from the pain of not being used to the time where a person once lives in with the term “moving on” echoing in the ears, one tends to get rid of the memories, feelings and everything possible by force. Changes may be made spiritually and physically but not the words, as they represent our mind and thoughts. Intentions and wants would be revealed through speaking. So why lie to ourselves and the others when they’ve already figured out the truth and when we can choose not to? There are times where the greatest force could not overcome a small challenge but the gentle hands. Hence, we shall go with the flow and who knows, we would recover in no time.

Rainy Days

Without realizing the time passes real quick, it is now end of June, while the mind is stuck somewhere, thinking that it is just the beginning of the month instead. The rain has been paying visits for the past few days, not to mention it could be so aggressive that even people hiding under shelter got themselves soaking wet, with the help of wind that is. As water pouring down the sky and wind uses all the strength, not only the raindrops moist the plants and lands, but also wash away the unwanted substances on Earth, bringing the excess heat back into the clouds. The wind blows and the water flows, forming the tiny waves on dry lands, not forgetting the unique sceneries and pictures as the incident takes place. People praise the raindrops as they bring us the greens and give us the hope to live; however, people too dislike the fact that they hide the sunny day behind their backs, even take over the lands with the overflowing water above our heads. If we are to wash our bodies in order to get rid of the sweat and unwanted substances, then why not let the rain to wash over the surface of the Earth? Not in the sense of taking lives away, but to clear off the harmful chemical substances we released or disposed on the very land despite the fact that the cycle continues elsewhere, be it up in the sky or down under the Earth .

Manual Labelling

After several incidents which depress a person, he would probably start complaining and moaning on how pathetic his life has been, that his life has not been his life as expected, that the obstacles given have overloaded. First thing first, who are we to determine that our lives are nothing but sadness? And why are we in such hurry to conclude so? If we are to say that life is unpredictable and we never know whether we are able to open our eyes once again after a good night rest, then why do we even bother to label our lives as pathetic? Doesn’t that give us the reasons to be more optimistic and enjoy the life to the fullest, instead of telling ourselves that our lives are meaningless, wasting the precious moments which can be used to spend with our dearest, friends and family instead? When we drive manual cars, we are the ones who take control of the gears, when to change and when not to, to take left turn or right, to stop or to speed; similarly, we are our lives and we are the boss of our lives, how our lives would be depend on how we are to be. We are in search of what we have in mind, be it an emotion or a thought. Hence, when we are telling ourselves that life has been terrible and depressing, that nothing good is meant to be for us, we are actually hypnotizing ourselves, convincing ourselves that it is a fact which is permanent rather than temporary, forgetting there will be a change in no time, that life has ups and downs, that one day we are to stand up once again against the obstacles planted ahead. Why label our lives as depressing when we have the choice and the time to prove that it isn’t?

Appreciation or Apology?

How many times do we apologize to one particular person when a mistake is being made? How often do we thank somebody rather than being sorry? There are times where one apology would lead someone to tear out of joy and relieve, but there are also the moments where it would depress a person even more, or has no effect in cheering him up. Do we apologize to our parents for we have been giving them tones of ‘troubles’? Or shall we thank them for being so patient with us all this while? When one is feeling lonely at a place far, far away, we are more prone to feel sorry for not able to be by his side and hold him tight, but how many actually thank this particular person as he is willing to share his thoughts with them, instead of keeping it to himself? We apologize when we realise our mistakes, but we thank people when we appreciate their hard work, acknowledging them or, acknowledging ourselves. Indeed, both ‘thank you’ and ‘sorry’ are hard to be pronounced at times, not to mention when the words are desperately needed and God knows whether we mean it or not. Anyway, if we are to compare both, we would find that an appreciation is a better way in expressing ourselves instead of giving apologies, as the former has a better effect in cheering a person up, lift up the smile on one’s face.

Half-Hearted

Once read an article regarding our attitude towards life, for most of us tend to be half-hearted, not concentrating on what we are doing, what we are suppose to do and what we are going to. Hence, there is a saying that we should concentrate on food when we are eating, focus on movies when we are watching, concentrate on anything, everything we do, for we live life only once and not more, except those who have overcome death, changed their views and attitudes, back on their track once more. Come to think of it, it is true that we do not give full attention to what we have, be it an action, an object or even, a person. Back then, before all the technology and electricity, we humans had plenty of time compared to the current days where some are busy with the work loads given, interacting with the characters in games, watching people popping here and there on the television screen and many more; we had a slower pace in watching sunsets, going around the paddy field, not knowing the term of ‘multitask’ or ‘half-hearted’ but life. Everything has changed. We find people taking five steps as one, rushing their way to the destination, typing messages on the phone without having the ‘trouble’ to look at the screen, not stopping by at one’s place and enjoy the scenery. Indeed we have moved on in life and forward, but how far have we gone? The moment we learn to multitask, we have shared our concentration and when we do, the way we handle things is no longer the same for we have lost our focus and attention. In short, we’ve missed something we earned back then, which is the heart; and if we are to reclaim it, we must first learn to stop and look around us.

Key To My Heart

We often refer the access to one’s inner self as the key to one’s heart and always, there are those who describe a person’s mind as the world with countless doors, hence different keys are needed in order to enter each. No one holds the master key, as there is none, not to mention that the owner itself might have lost part of the keys elsewhere, leaving several doors remain locked for eternity. Even if we say we hide no secrets from the person we care, doesn’t mean there isn’t any, for we ourselves may not know the door is locked up and the key remains unknown. How many people would actually buy it if it is to say that each and everyone of us has one particular psychology problem for the very least? Similarly, there are times where we need some gentle reminder that there is indeed a dark secret hidden within us, secret which we have never shared. The keys to each door may appear to be in different forms, be it a single touch, words of courage or simply a piece of music and of course, it does not mean that everyone would have the access to the same room behind those doors. This may be pretty common that one shares part of the life time stories with one particular person and a different one with another because other than having the key itself, timing would be another important factor to enter one’s heart, not forgetting the mood of that particular person is in. Anyway, we shouldn’t force ourselves into any of the doors if we do not have the access key, if we do, how much different does it make comparing us to the robbers trying to enter one’s house by force? We don’t ask how many keys we have got, but to appreciate that we are given the key, for whatever is hidden behind those doors, it is part of one’s life, one’s memory and one’s precious.

Out of Fantasy

Since young, we have addicted to the story lines which may not even exist in the world we are currently living in, be it something regarding superheroes, pocket monsters, myth creatures and the TV series which actually taking place as we speak, or not. We do realize the fact that they are not real, as what we’ve seen from the box named television; however, there are times where we just can’t help it but fantasizing ourselves to be in that particular situations, chanting that particular spells, hoping we are the one with magic violin, playing great music instead. It is cool to have a unicorn being the guardian angel, a hippogriff taking us up into the sky, a single wave and we are face to face with the person we miss, anything and everything, as far as our imaginations and creativities would go. At times we wish to be as lucky as the main character in the TV shows, to have bunch of people whom we care for and care for us in return, to possess great happiness and success and many more, but what we tend to forget is that we are living in the fantasy of others, where we asking for more, not remembering the fact that we possess something others may not have and they too possess things we’ve always wanted. Others’ possessions always seem to be better, since we are not the owners and so, perhaps it is time for us to come out from the fantasy we have created around us and enter the fantasy of others, our current lives. Have a look around us, the shelter, the friends, the family, the love, the indescribable, the unpredictable; aren’t they one of the reasons where the fantasy is first created?

Goodbye

For some reasons, a friend of mine does not like to use the word “goodbye” when the time has come where one has to depart or to end a conversation, as if it might be something permanent rather than temporary after the farewell. Indeed, there are times where this particular word would stab us in the heart when it is spoken by one, depending on who that person is and under what sort of situations it may be. Let’s say one left another, leaving the word “goodbye” echoing in the ears, where tears coming down the cheeks but no sobbing are heard. Pretty dramatic isn’t it? However, “goodbye” plays a different role in a different situation as well. For examples, a couple hugging each other tight in the arms when they are about to be apart for another six months saying goodbye, one waving farewell to the bunch of friends and heads back into the train, leaving them the promises that he would be back once again when the time has come, person who steals a moment or two from the friends next door whenever the chance is given and the teacher is not in, half hopping and jumping he says “goodbye” and back to his original class. Words may be heart-warming when they are spoken from the bottom of the heart, but also can be heart aching at times and similar concept is applied to the word farewell. Perhaps it is to say that we should cherish every moment, every people and every object coming in between the days and nights of ours, but not to avoid the fact that we would be apart someday, somehow. “Goodbye” is originally derived from the phrase “God be with you” and we are still connected from one to another, though we are at different corner of the Earth, as the phrase explains it all. Adios my friends.

Aliens

Seeing the horse running free within a restricted area instead of the green where there would be no ends, an elephant cub chaining to the wall with a bell around it’s neck, giving us the impression of a house cat, snake being passed from one to another at one photography session and the centipede which loses the jaw becoming the star of the day on one’s hand, an indescribable urge comes up. There are times where our curiosity leads us from a thought to an action, giving us the desire wanting to know more than what we knew, to be able to feel what we don’t usually do. Having the unusual species appears in our sight, we may go excited and terrified in the same time, for it is something new and unknown. Come to think of it, does the bond between man and animals exist in the first place, before one is to lock the latter up and having them tamed? We do not play with the centipede if the jaw hasn’t been taken off, we do not place the snake around the neck if we know it is still poisonous, we do not simply go to an elephant and hug them, letting them to lift us up from the ground if it is not tamed and last but not least, we don’t just ride on the horses if they do not have horseshoes on their hooves. In the movies, we find the alien to be cruel for kidnapping several humans for further studies, but what about us who brought the ‘wild’ animals from their far away homelands, having them chained up and pose for photo shoots? Not to mention there are those who have been transported from one country to another as presents on the name to produce more generations in foreign lands. Are we not aliens to them as well? Still, curiosity has overcome rationality. Gosh, that hamster is so cute!

Poem: A Famosa

For two hours we have waited, with the cheese tarts along.

Another two have gone, when we were finally there to launch.

It was a day for all, where the children had fun with pillows and balls.

With innocent faces, they asked for more, where the sweets hidden in dust.

Adults were building up teamwork with the crowd cheering at one corner.

A competition it was, to the hampers and prizes, not losing faces.

And there we ended eight hours under the sun, moving on to the next.

To enjoy ourselves to the fullest, with whatever we had.

Travelling from one end to another, we went through the sceneries and views.

Not forgetting the time we spent, knowing each other better.

A whole new experience indeed, with a different circle of people.

Middle aged behaving like a teen, barrier between races is taken off.

We ate, we sang, we shouted, under the sun and stars.

Together we cut off the jaw of centipede, lifted up by elephant and had snake around.

The time moved on, whether we like it or not, to the departure for all.

Back to where we originally started, we left the vehicle.

With the pictures and memories being stored, we took a turn and headed home.

Birthday

Again and again, there are people who would start screaming at our ears when their birthday is around the corner, not to say dislike the time where they are surrounded by many, having to celebrate the very special day of theirs in life, but the moment to accept the fact that they are now older by a year. Friends who complaining saying they find it rather cruel to imagine the ten years to come, where they have to face more challenges and problems, where the others are probably getting ready to marry, where they themselves are to get older; in short, they are yet to overcome the fear of not able to get hold of the time. Why is there such phenomenon, where one is afraid of getting old, where one wishes to stay behind, back to the good old days he once had? If it is to say that one wants to make a full use of the life he’s currently living in, how useful can he when he is focusing on the issue of getting old rather than what is happening around him? If it is to say that the past would be a better life, with more laughter, how good can it be when there is no future and how much longer the smiles on our faces would last when we are stuck in time? If it is to say that the people out there are more unpredictable, the problems would be harder to handle, what shows that those who are still schooling are predictable and the challenges are somehow easier? Our age grows and so are our mind and thoughts, it may be something difficult to be handled today but tomorrow, it might be a piece of cake. We do not judge a person’s current ability when we are to choose a fighter for day after, but to prepare him to be prepared. Are we to count the days to our last or to ignore the time which slips through our fingers and enjoy the feast we now have?

Ever Wanted

How much time have we spent on thinking about the ever wanted? That we want to be with this particular person, that we would like to go for this dream and not that, that we want to score straight A’s, that we want to lead a successful life and many more. We have people who interview a person before he is to be the friend, who refer to the qualification list when they are to choose a partner, who eliminate one after another when the unwanted ‘symptoms’ are found in within. From time to time, there are questions often being asked, range from the types of people we like to what we don’t like to be served in food, and of course, not forgetting the things which we ever wanted in life, but frankly, how many can come up with an answer for that particular question? How many do know and well understand of what they want and what they need? A quote taken from a friend, if we know what to do but not how to do it, what do we actually know? Similarly, if we know what we want but not how to get it, what do we actually know? When we are complaining the others on how they have behaved, we first listen to the complaints on how we have been; when we are thinking about what we wanted the most, we first think how we would think when we have finally reached our goal; we may have changed our mind at the very end or we may not, we never know, for there would be a higher demand when the time has come. Ever wanted can be temporary or permanent, depending on our views and desires; when we are thirst for more, the ever wanted we first aimed would be no end, as we are to climb to a higher mountain; when we know when and how to stop, we get what we wanted in the first place, where the others may be thinking we are such a waste. It remains still as the mystery, to us and to all, if we actually have the ever wanted, in life.

Meaningless? Meaningful

Understanding a person’s thoughts and messages being delivered may be hard in times, for no one shares the common brain but brain waves, hence little adjustments needed or maybe more. From time to time, we have unexpected events or jokes take place, wherever we are, and there are those who don’t get the situation but laughing along with the others, since it is rather contagious for nitrous oxide. Though it is to say that it becomes meaningless when one failed to interpret the conveyed messages at times, it is not truly as defined, meaningless. An article written in alien languages, able to read but not understanding the text, alone in the party where we know no one else but ourselves; be it a situation we do not wish to be in, we can still make a difference, even by a bit, it counts. It is not necessary for us to read in order to read but also to speak and to see, to stay alone around the unknowns but to approach them and so to approach ourselves, to understand all things but those we choose to be, to fasten our pace after the world but also taking a short break once in a while and enjoy the surroundings. Meaningless would be meaningful when we are to see things from a different way, to handle it in another way and to arrange it in a whole new way. When we are to think that no one understands us, do remember that there are those who are trying to; when we are to say that no one cares about us, do look at the friends around and the messages they’ve sent; when we are to feel that our lives are meaningless, do recall the smiles we have lifted on the faces back then. How meaningless can it be when we are to say it isn’t?

短篇：银河星空

在世人未向科技迈进一大步前，星河虽说是普遍，却总能在众人心中留下美丽的倩影，让人感叹上天的无所不能；如今，我们得以飞向外太空，探访前人成天向往的最高境界，破除嫦娥玉兔等神话，然而，往日的壮观星月已不再，仿佛被人们及其发明与建筑所排放的气体给吓跑了。我们的人生好比银河星空。初次来到这奇异美好的世界，一个笑容、一只玩具鸭、一个苹果都足以引起我们的好奇心，除了身子不舒服、肚子咕咕叫以外，一切都是那么的完美、那么的无暇，有如星河般的闪亮星星不停的闪烁。当我们逐渐成长，一切已大不如从前，只因我们有更深的认知、更大的期望、更多的要求与完善，不易欢喜反易忧，先前那小小的欢乐已不足以博得我们的笑颜，我们的星空也被搁置一旁，失去更多的闪烁。

`

我的黑夜有大小不一的星星，其亮度也不相同，各代表着我的欢喜、我的至亲、我的朋友以及他们所带给我的欢笑与快乐，好让我不忘一切的美好。我的十九年被分成不同阶段、不同阶层，曾有不同的朋友、不同的相聚与分离，而每一位亲友、每一件动人事件都成为我银河星空里的一份子继续闪烁。儿时的顽皮以至骨折，小学的粗暴被召入办公室，转换新居所带来的变动，初中时首次接触外界人士以及高中的一切、一切皆是如此。不逝的回忆变成我黑夜里的小眼，不停的眨、不停的闪，中六的校园生涯更是为那星空添上不少闪亮的装饰品。

`

父母昔日的决定，将我引至这难忘的另一高中生活。除了先前那视我如朋友的补习老师，我遇见了数位真正让我敬佩的中六教师，只因他们对教学是如此的真心、如此的执著与认真，亦不会刻意与学生保持距离，让我们觉得遥不可及以至无胆发问。轻轻的一句“我认为你会做得更好”足以让我深感惭愧，想要再接再厉；课堂上的一句“如果我有更多手指就好”让全班同学陷入笑声中，后学会她的手姿，以帮助想象与学习；因我们的一句“有好东西就要和他人分享”而将手中的糖果分发给班上的每人，虽说这并非什么重大事件，却让我铭记于心。原来，能赢得万心的老师确实存在；原来，我还会遇到让我如此感恩的教师。

`

往日的我较少与同班同学互动，反是连日上网交友或与童军里的伙伴出外郊游，爬山涉水等，要我列出外界朋友以及童军所带来的美好回忆是那么的多不胜数，然而同班同学却是十个指头数得清。现在，中六生涯让我结识不少会心的同伴，接触不同的类群，给予我更多的灵感与认知，甚至让我寻得默契十足以及情如兄弟姐妹的亲密挚友。我们一同出门、一起疯狂、一同欢笑，甚至静下心来做蛋糕。在平常的谈话中，他们时而让我感触以至打从内心傻笑，感谢上天赐予这么美好的一切。那么的一句“为什么你这么傻？”让我痴呆；一声“你还好吗？”让我完全发泄心中的不甘；在我等待某人归国之时，他们比我更是焦急；当我在物质上有所要求，他们乐于帮忙寻找。比起我来到这陌生的学校坐在一旁写作的那一天，我的周围多了不少欢笑声，包括我自己。

`

曾几何时，我总觉得有关校园生涯的文章是何等的乏味、何等的普遍，其内容也不过是如此，没什么新鲜感。今日，我改观了。我们并非为了写作而写作，而是为了表达内心所思、内心所悟，将过去的点点滴滴，值得回味的记忆转变成文字，与他人分享。中六的教师与朋友不是我生命中的过路人，而是我黑夜里的星空最闪亮、最耀眼的那几颗星星，在专属我的银河星空里扮演着重要的角色，只因他们已在我脑海里留下快乐的脚印，挥散不去。我或许无法记得与我擦身而过的路人，可却会将那如此壮观、迷人的星河永记心头，而那数不尽的闪烁代表着我以往、现在及未来的美好、欢乐与笑颜。你的银河星空又是怎样的呢？

Symbol

We are the symbols of ourselves, our chronicles, our lives, which show how we’ve lived, what we’ve seen and where we’re aiming to. There are times where we are only the symbols of ours, with different thinking lying within us, as if there are two persons of more hidden inside us, where the different perspectives and value towards life conflict with one and another; times where we got confused, for we do not know which is our true self and which is not, which we should be listening to and which we shouldn’t be. Hence, there are people who go nuts, unable to decide on their own, not able to handle the thoughts occurred in their heads. We have the right to decide, to plan and to run our lives based on what we wanted, what we’ve aimed for and what we desired, but as the word ‘symbol’ defines, we have no power over what is to be erased from our memories and what is not, which doings of ours are to be edited and which are not, or even to change the fact that changes already taken place; for what is done is done. Once a symbol always a symbol; once a person changed, he is changed; once an incident occurred, there is no turning back; once it has become part of the memories, it remains to be. What changes would it bring, if we are to alter the unchangeable? How much does it mean, if we are to change the meaningless? How good can we be, if we are to ignore the lessons we learned when we are not? We are the symbols, but our doings, our sayings, our thoughts and our memories are us, which determine who we are, what we are and where we are in this current society.

Repetition in Words

Theoretically, repetition in one word, in one particular passage is not appropriate. However, it sometimes makes the conversation interesting. For example, one tries to explain that the something he’s going to do is not the something another has in mind, as he knows the something of that something of that particular person is way different from the something he’s trying to deliver as something. This may goes on and on, till one of the parties give up on continuing it. Isn’t it interesting? Yet, repetition in words sometimes does not create such harmony, where both parties are into it. It too happens when one concerns about the other, be it something involving relationships, friends and family. We have people who repeat the same words over and over again in order to wake a person up from his dreams which are less likely to be true, who say are to give up on one but actually not, who have been showing their concerns regarding one particular person, one particular situation which ended up annoying the latter, who got frustrated after having themselves to repeat the same words, same advices again and again. We have been repeating our lives in this universe even after death, the daily routine with different ways of valuing it, the same introduction when we are to meet someone new, the same excited feelings when we first putting our hands on something new. We never stop learning, never stop valuing, never stop judging, never stop feeling and never stop remembering; a repetition in life, depending on us how to see it and how to put it in words. 

Malaysian Timing

Every now and then, especially during some outings or whatsoever, we would usually hear the terms of “Malaysian timing” whenever one is late or the activities are not being held in time. I wonder if we are actually proud to be late, or to be Malaysian, seeing that we even put in the name of our so called beloved country or homeland for the bad habits of ours. Seriously, why is there such phenomenon? Probably due to the human acts again if one dare say. Personally never been to foreign countries except that little tour to Singapore at 5, but from what one able to see, people in this country tend to go a bit later than the scheduled time for one particular event, as some may be saying that the VIP come last, some does not like waiting for the others and some would be thinking that there is no particular reasons for them to be punctual since the others wouldn’t be. This is a chain reaction; when one is unlikely to show up in time, the others follow, since not many people like waiting, especially when they are asked to wait for those who have nothing to do with them at all, no benefits and no nothing. If we are to replace the meaning of VIP, perhaps we should consider of putting it as ‘Very Idiotic Person’ rather than ‘Very Important Person’. Time is the opportunity and when we are to waste our time, we are giving up on the opportunities given and when we are to miss our opportunities, we are more likely to mess up our future and when we are to botch up our future, we might not be able to find the successful life of ours, in our very own definitions. Are we being important or idiotic when we are to follow the Malaysian timing?

To Witness or To Listen?

What is the first reaction when a story is told? What first come to our mind during history lessons? What do we do when more than one version of one particular story is shared? Who do we side when two are to argue over the matters? We do not experience all things in the world though we want to, thus we choose to listen, to what the others have to say, what the others have been through, what the others have thought of. From time to time, a story would be passed around, be it among the friends or simply the neighborhood, what one has done, where one has been and so on. As the story being shared from one person to another, the details might be gone missing and soon after, it would be cut short from 3 days 2 nights long story to 10 seconds, or even becoming the rumors people have been referring to. We tend to remember the glorious moments of ours and share them with the rest of the world compared to the embarrassing ones. Therefore, there are times where parts of the stories might not be true. How many people have been dreaming of able to go back in times? Where they can witness the incidents with their very own eyes, listen to the conversations taken place ages ago with their very own ears and proud to say that they know their history with their very own lips. Hence, there are those who willing to travel around the world, to see things from a different perspective, to hear the different voices hidden deep within the jungle where the forgotten ones are living in and to learn that there are more than what is shown in the television, what has been shared by the others and what is taught in school. If you are given a choice, would you choose to witness or to hear it from others?

Brotherhood

Brotherhood is no longer the word to be used only by males, but also females. With the typical boyish behavior and sometimes even thoughts, a girl can be pretty close to the boys around, not to mention gang fight and one on one combats were once part of the life. There are those who come up and vow to help when a helping hand is needed, those who say to use their names in one particular area when one is in trouble, and those who would show up in order to search for one person and provide a shelter for that night itself; it isn’t something which happens only in the television shows, but also in the reality, even among the students, be it primary or secondary. This sort of brotherhood may soon develop as the people involved moving on with the routine in life, less aggressive, less gathering maybe, more appreciation and more alcoholic drinks perhaps. Ever since the day one in touch with a greater circle of people, the definition of brotherhood grows wider and being categorized further, as the word “brother” is then no longer a word to be said, but to be kept in the heart. Brothers who would come out for a cup of tea, listening to us going on and on with dozens of stories, who would sit at one corner waiting for us to finish off with what is to be, who sometimes give us this I-understand-what-you-are-trying-to-deliver look, who say not to send us back but still do it anyhow and so on. Brothers, brothers and brothers, with different definitions of brother, one treasures the brothers. Are you?

Best of Both Worlds

A question is asked, whether to live in a place full of lies and stupidities or a place where there are truths and only truths. Some may take it as a stupid question, as they know there can be no place where only one element would take place, still, it too can be a question which may put one into deep thoughts. As we know, the truths we are now listening to can be lies and there are the lies which are actually the truths but do not accept by many. According to Chinese, we have five different elements which are to mix and create almost everything on Earth, not forgetting the concept of ‘Yin’ and ‘Yang’ which are to form the world we are now living in. We are not referring to the solid objects, but the untouchable ones, the feelings, the elements, the timing. In relationship, be it friendship or partnership, we have the ups and downs which would somehow make it more worthy, depending on the people involved. Similarly, one would appreciate the life more after going through the positive and negative emotions, varying from one to another of course. One will not remain to be the top always and one will not be the worst for eternity, as if it is the destined destiny of ours that we would go through both good and bad throughout the lives. So why do we hold on to the unwanted when there will be the times where we would enjoy ourselves soon after? Perhaps it is time to stop questioning ourselves when the time will come to have only happiness and start enjoying the best of both worlds.

Yes or No?

Have you ever been through the times where one refuses to reveal a secret when he himself started off with the opening of the story? Have you ever been through the times where one tells you the answer you want to hear though you know it isn’t the one from the bottom of his heart? Have you ever been through the times where you yourself could not accept the truth, thus manipulating your thoughts that it is the way you always wanted it to be? Have you ever consider the reasons behind of all? Personally, there are times where the heart and the lips speak the same words and moments where they aren’t; one who denies the fact that he does not miss the other, one who says to give up on a person but ended up not, one who promises not to spill the secrets but to do it the other way round, one who praises another but to backstab that particular person at the back. Perhaps it is our nature to not reveal our true feelings easily, to take certain actions which would ensure the survival, to bring out the curiosity of a person, however, there are still the do’s and don’ts in order to please our very hearts, not forgetting the others as well. Some say ‘yes’ when it is necessary, when it is to express their feelings, showing some love, to accept the fact which can no longer be changed. On the other hand, there are people who would say ‘no’ to tease, to deceive, to show off with the so called knowledge and information or simply, being playful. To say ‘yes’ or ‘no’, it is still based on the situations, depending on that particular person’s personalities and intentions.

Carried Away

Have you ever been through the times where you got carried away from your original purposes and aims? What was your first reaction when you realized the people around have different intentions on handling problems? When was the last time you doubted one’s motives and yours? From time to time, we may find one who lost his soul, not knowing what life is all about other than competing, planning and winning. In dramas, we have the actors or actresses being drifted away from their interests, their original plans and aims, thus locking themselves up in the world where competitions will never end. In reality, we have those who work so hard in order to provide a more pleasant and more comfortable life style to their families, forgetting the time where the wives or husbands heat up the dinner over and over again so that the they could have something warm when they are back home, where the children fall asleep waiting for them, along with the cards specially made in school. There was a judge who commented one of the participants that he has forgotten the very first reason he chose to enter the singing competition, that he left his passion behind, that he got carried away from his love for singing to the desire of winning. Pretty common isn’t it?