Protective Layer

The skin was torn, as the inner part of the sketch pad was exposed; a very thin plastic like layer that is so insignificant in our eyes, protecting it. Don’t we all have it? Someone, something that is hidden elsewhere, making sure we’re safe, be there for us whenever we needed them? Be it a parent, a friend or the dearest, they certainly disguise themselves well enough; to the point we not notice them at times. There are the moments where we neglected another us within, where we forgotten about our origin, where we not recall the days we suffered, where we not understand the word ‘love’; and those are the times where we needed help most. Look around us and we would find someone new, not in the sense of making new friend, but to know a friend from the bottom of the heart, to look at them from a whole new perspective, to known them as the protector. A test pad which is used for months, keeping the papers for scribble use in safe had never once show the protective layer, not until the damages putting effect on it; and that was then where the truth is revealed. Perhaps we need to see it with our own eyes to know that love actually exist in between, that there are those who care about us and want us to do the same, that each and everyone of us needs our very own time to discover something new, something that we should have known ages ago. Nevertheless, as long as we learn to appreciate it, cherish it, it will be just fine.

Headless Fly

While enjoying the cheesy wedges, a fly stopped by. One cornered it using the advertisement cardboard, wanted to make fun of it, but never did he know the fly actually got 'trapped' in it, not knowing the exit to freedom is right above its tiny little head. Funny but it applies to all, or maybe, most of us; people who focus on the unpleasant memories they have given to the others thus blaming themselves and forgotten about the joy they have brought to the friends and family, one who sees no future but the past of oneself and trying hard to persuade the rest of the circle, a person who makes things complicated by going round and round the bush instead of finding the root so that the problems can be solved. Times where an obstacle can be overcome with a simple tick and cross are often missed, for we tend to not believe in simplicity; say, the fly. The ‘small world’ which was used to keep it in was then retrieved, thinking the fly would seize its chance and escape for good, but it didn’t. Perhaps this is one sided opinion, that the fly had no idea it was freed and continued its journey down the serving plate, ‘walking’, and vanished under the shadow; or maybe, it chose not to. Scene where we couldn’t believe the solution to a Mathematic question is in two lines though it worth only two marks was recalled; are we not the same, at all? How long does it take us to realise we have an option to another definition of freedom? How much further to the day where we less complicate our problems? How many headless flies we are to be, before we call ourselves human?

Short Story: Guardian Angels

Dear diary,

It happened again. Another piece of the soul dropped in; another incident where that person is struck with guilt, wanting to let go, leaving the people he cares behind, thinking it is for the best which turned out to be the other way round. Does he not have a clue that what he feels and what comes across his mind would eventually affect him in any ways? The plant in him is struggling to survive, but the mineral provided is never enough, not with all the negative emotions he recently has.

It is interesting to know that his kind practises the same culture as he does; to give up when they’re at their best instead of when the time is right, to not let go of their past but holding it tight to their chest, to not forgive themselves when the others already did. Certainly, there are the exceptional; one ruler does not measure all units, does it? Still, I never really understand the reason why. Perhaps this is the uniqueness of their species which differentiates them from the rest of the kingdom, whereby they have the Balance, be it the thinking, the attitude or the actions taken.

Long ago, it has been known that all souls are to be replaced by plants instead of crystalline, so that it can be taken care of by the owner itself, with the positive emotions and thoughts as the minerals needed, not to mention it is not as fragile as the previous design and definitely means whole lot better since the humans have to work on it, bringing it up. I’ve come across with a person year ago but was never close till the beginning of this year where I started to notice him more, with his attitude for friends and eventually, I decided to stay close by, interested in the up-building soul of his, to see how he is going to manage the obstacles which are to come.

We have our own rules when it comes to dealing with the living beings on this planet, especially the Homo sapiens, who in turn like to be known as humans, the ruler of all species. We are not allowed to have direct contact with them, no communication, not implication, nothing but to watch over them, checking their growth every now and then, pray for them whenever they’re at their worst, hoping their souls would stay strong till the very end. We must never reveal our true identities, except those who can no longer stand it, seeing the dying soul, who secretly take over the body of one of the friends, to encourage, to help and to wake that person up from the deepest sleep, despite the cases which have failed; those who want to join in the fun, to personally feel the atmosphere of being loved, being cared for.

Whenever one is depressed, less mineral being produced; whenever one is angry, acid is produced; whenever one reaches the max, one leaf falls; whenever the plant is dying, the soul too. And here I am, sitting at the side, hoping there will be no more fallen leaves, pieces of the soul; here I am, waiting at one corner, hoping there will be the moment where this particular person realizes his fate; here I am, looking around, hoping there will be someone who is able to make his day; here I am, curious, wondering when he is to water the plant with tears of joy instead of sorrow and blame, when he is to release the guilt in him, when he is to smile again, from the bottom of the heart.

If only the mankind can hear us, without having us to break the rules; if only one of them know what they’re dealing with when their very souls are shattering; if only.

Yours truly, The Guardian Angel

Season of Four

Changes can be terrifying; interaction can be disastrous; little tension may be beneficial; little heartache may show us the way. Pressure against the chest and thousand thoughts came up to one, difficulties in inhalation, feeling uneasy. Going through dozens of possibilities, the worst scenario that may takes place in the days to come. Pessimistic, with the wildest imaginations one can come up with. Procrastination, sad to say, is the only homework one has been doing, where the others seem to be less important or perhaps, less interesting, less entertaining. It is the time where most people would start slacking off, where people tired of brushing up their skills in tackling questions, where people question themselves why. A curve which reaches its climax is now going downhill; the changes. Senior assistants trying to communicate, promoting one particular event, listing the possibilities if it is unsuccessful, which, in the eyes of the crowd, has became threatening instead of persuading. Beneficial pressure enable a person to continue his way in aiming the goal of his dreams, to do what he feels best, to obtain what he needed the most and certainly, taking the influences of parents and friends into account. The greatest sailor will encounter his first storm on the sea and the wisest man will have his first fall when he expected least; little difficulties in communicating with the dearest, adapting to the changes, going against the wind are nothing, for they are meant to be.

Unreasonable Doubt

How often do we find our intuition turn out to be correct? How often do we start wondering about things that may or may not be happening? How often do we doubt something when the others don’t? Idea extracted from a friend. All the intuitions, wonders and doubts are nothing but part of our imagination, expectation or even experiences whereby we’ve been through similar occasion once and thinking it might be repeated again. We go wild at times and so is the guessing of ours; we give it a shot in guessing the outcome of one’s decision, we tend to guess a person’s sincerity when we are feeling insecure or sort, we often guess where our lives would turn out to be in the days to come or perhaps, we imagine it, we doubt it. Unreasonable doubts, according to that particular friend. No specific reasons why and how, that we doubt an item, a person or maybe, us; probably, probably not. There are people who dare not put their faith in the person they care, who tend to not believe in what they are capable of, who simply being afraid of the unknowns, for they’ve been listening to the saying whereby the higher expectation would eventually bring us the greater disappointment. We, the human beings worry, worry about people we love, worry about the obstacles ahead of us, worry about the worries, as if being worried is already part of our behaviors, part of our cultures, part of us. When we are losing faith, we feel insecure; when we are feeling insecure, we worry; when we are worried, we doubt; reason behind the reasons to the unreasonable doubt. To end, extract the motivation out of demotivation.

Defensive Plans

There’s something about most of the movies which have been on screen; the lines which may somehow inspire people, philosophically, probably; lines which embed into the heads of many, thus using it as the quote for certain period of time. From the recent movie, where some of us quote the line of why so serious, another inspiration is obtained. We live within the rules, with our very own principles, aims and plans. When things go accordingly, within the range of reception, we feel nothing, though it may be something to the others; however, we may go panic, crazy and mad whenever the plan is not the original plan of ours. Not many of us have plans for the path of which we are about to take, but it doesn’t mean we don’t, nor it means we can’t. From time to time, we meet people who actually do, who would plan their lives from head to toe, from waking up in the morning to entering their dreams, from purchasing items at one particular store to where they dispose the unwanted leftovers. Perhaps we just can’t accept the unexpected at times, where things may be out of our control, where we would feel insecure, where we never want to be the last who know what might happen in the future, our future. We are all defensive, and we definitely would react when we should be; it could be a smile, an angry face, the teary eyes, a punch, a curse and the list goes on. Be it a plan of getting straight A’s, a plan to win a seat in the parliament, a plan of winning one’s heart, a plan to do whatever we want, they all share the one thing in common, whereby they are all plans for planning a better us, creating a better situation, for us and the dearest.

Uncontrollable Emotions

Whatever we see, is not equivalent to what the others do; whatever we feel, whatever we please, whatever we do. The moment we thought of giving up on one relationship, be it friendship or partnership, be it due to the unspeakable reason or self sacrificing, and be it plain intention or need, that’s that. We do not need many reasons to befriend with someone and similarly, there are times where we do not need a reason to not befriend with someone. However, when it really does happen, that we choose to let go of one relationship, it is hard to be mended, for the reaction is irreversible, for it is our decision of doing so, for we want it to be though we may not be. Self sacrificing, to walk out from a person’s life, to think such act would hurt nobody, to say it is for the good of both; an unwise action to be taken indeed, in any ways, varying from one to another. The urge to slap a person in order to wake him up, the urge to tell them they are wrong, the urge to slam the door right in front of their faces; to pull them back from the black hole of depression, to take control over our bodies so that we wouldn’t feed them with our fists, to express ourselves the best without being violent. Tears rolling down the cheeks, uncontrollably, when one says goodbye, as if that would be the last time he shows up in a person’s life. The uncontrollable feelings when one is to leave, to erase the past footprints in the heart, to do it for good, as if. Leaving the situation as it is does not help, because the people involved are lively beings, not untouchable crime scene. How much does it help if we are to free ourselves from one particular problem, but get trapped inside our very own hearts, for the rest of our lives?

Past, Present & Future

Everyday’s past is everyday’s present and everyday’s future, for the past leads to the present and the present leads to the future. Hence, past is equivalent to present and present is equivalent to future. There are moments where we are about to give up upon our lives, as nothing fascinates us more, as we’re tired of getting tired, as we thought it would be better to let go of all possessions, including the life ahead. We tend to say that we’re dumb, that we’re stupid, but what is the purpose of doing so? Is it to get the others to agree with us? Can we really accept it when they really do? Doesn’t that make us feel worse, when we are already at our limit? Does not matter how many mistakes we’ve made, how many u-turns we’ve taken, we are still a great friend to somebody out there; does not matter how many people think we are hopeless, there are still hopes within us. Whatever we face, whatever we feel, whatever we do, it is part of the present, part of the past and soon enough, part of the future. We have the right it say how bad we can be, how bad we are, but think about it, it is what we feel would determine our future, what we tell ourselves would change our present and what we show the others would be our past. Is it truly beneficial of behaving in such a way that we teach ourselves to fail everyone around, even us? Not.

Taking Blame

Very often, we have people who would take the blame for everything possible, as if it will make them feel much better, which happens to be the other way round; whenever not being accepted by that particular person, whenever not able to reach the expectation of one, whenever not doing a fine job in fixing the situation and many more. Sometimes wonder, why do we even want to be better, when we couldn’t make ourselves to feel it that way, when we are hypnotizing ourselves that we will not make it to the top, when we are trying so hard to prove that we can’t? Indeed, there will be times where we made the wrong decision, chose the wrong word, pratised the wrong attitude; however, it does not mean that it will be our fault for eternity, for the rest of our lives whereby we have to carry the name of once made a wrong move, as it will be changed and we will be, somehow, someday. We don’t take the blame, but we accept the mistake, our mistakes; we don’t hold on tight to something we shouldn’t be and we know it, we don’t make ourselves feel bad in order to cheer a person up when the effect is actually the other way round, we don’t jump into conclusion that we will fail everything that come to our hands; we don’t, we don’t.

Landing on Moon

“Aim for the moon and you will land on the star even if you’ve missed.” Indeed a way of encouraging the students to be more optimistic. From time to time, encouragement, support, and comfort are needed, be it a man who looks strong and firm, a woman who is able to take control of the entire headquarter, a boy who seems to be smiling whole day long, a girl who is so independent that she needs nobody to complete a task given. There could be moments where we are so tired, that we no longer want to stand up once again, to face the waves of challenges ahead; say, the person we love does not know how to appreciate us in the right way, one failed to obtain the highest ranking in one particular competition or sort, a person who lost hold of the opportunity before him. When one not knows how to love and eventually failed us, it doesn’t mean that we should stop loving too; when we couldn’t be the best, it doesn’t mean we cannot be better; when we missed the chances given to us, it doesn’t mean we have lost all our hopes. There will be another junction ahead even if we have taken the wrong turn, for an unwanted decision or incident does not simply lead us to the end of our journey, unless we choose to be. So why not aim for a better option available when we can?

Practise Perfect

Practice makes perfect, but no one is perfect, so why practise? Question raised by a classmate. We are dying to live, but we would still die, so why live? These are part of the conflicts among the principles we are living in, where one sentence is able to attack the other, causing it to be unstable, if it is not well constructed in the first place. We know we are mortals, but we still live our lives to the fullest, preventing us from having regrets in the future, that we did not accomplish what we wanted the most, that we couldn’t fill our heads with memories which can never be erased, that we failed to have our own stories to share. Why live? Because we want to, not we have to. Indeed no one is perfect, but that does not mean we shouldn’t be practising, to bring us closer to perfect, to sharpen the skills we already have, to bring the world forward. This is not an order, but the will of many; to those who want to be perfect, those who want to exceed perfection and those who are able to achieve what they think they can never be. We have been limiting ourselves, by creating our own illusions; telling us that we can no longer move further, that we shouldn’t be, that we must not be. We have new creations every day possible, to have a change in our lives, not in the sense of turning the world upside down, but to bring ourselves forward, to upgrade our lifestyle, to rescue the land from destruction of mankind, to prevent extinction of the living beings, of us. It is time to stop questioning our decisions, but to live with it, correct it, instead of putting it at the corner of our heads, to bring it out from time to time, feeling regret.

Accelerate Junction

Upon reaching a junction, be it one way, two ways or more, we must decide within a second or two, shift the gear and accelerate; no hesitation, no doubts shall come into our minds till we are done. Being critical and accurate is important when it comes to determining our next junction, next assignment and next obstacle. Shifting the gear is not as easy as it seems to be, for the slightest mistake would result in unpleasant noises coming from the car itself, and certainly won’t do us any good, especially towards our precious vehicle. Times where we have to accelerate, not worrying about the upcoming danger from the other end of the world, but the moment we enter the path we wanted to, to get closer to our destination, to continue our never ending journey of life. This is piece of a friend’s mind. When we worry too much about the incidents which are less likely to happen, we tend to miss the junctions where we want to turn in, losing the opportunity given to us, groaning; where people at the back may somehow grow impatient, horning all the way till we’ve gone into the chosen path. And when that happens, we go panic, not remembering our original route, but simply bring ourselves to the middle of nowhere, just to avoid from listening to the sound pollution any further, to not get on the nerves of others, fearing they may come down from the car with a weapon in the hand. We do what we wanted to, we know when to accelerate, when to stop, as long it is not against our principles. Not hesitate, but to accelerate, at the right time; what life is meant to be.

Words Speak Louder Than Actions

We have been saying actions speak louder than words, but how loud can an action be? When it comes to promises, indeed we have to fulfill what we’ve spoken, be it towards one particular person or many; to show the others that we do what we speak, that we are capable to please the rest, that we not only possess the skills to communicate but also to carry them out. However, there are also times where actions fail to overcome the power of words, where one particular doing is not being acknowledged by the people around, the people we care about; say, efforts one has put in to work a relationship out and yet, it is not enough. We are animals and similar to the others, we’re greedy; however, we are slightly different because according to most people, we can think but not the animals on four or two, not forgetting that we would ask for more, despite the fact that we already have more than what we needed. We have stories where one chooses to leave the current partner and goes for the other, who he thinks would suit him better and he ends up regretting what he did; people who tend to not notice the things one has done for them just to make them smile, but complain always; those who take everything around for granted, as if they are meant to own what they have until the day they lose it all. Those are the actions being shown by the people we care and care about us, because from time to time, we don’t see what the others have been doing for us, forgetting that there are moments where words speak louder than actions, where we want to hear it personally from them rather than seeing what they are doing for us. So, do actions really speak louder than words? Or words speak louder than actions too?

Accept Unacceptable

It has been quite a while since the last incident where friends had been turned into frenemies, where precautions have to be taken ever since, not only in the sense of preventing the similar chaos from taking place, but also well aware of the ongoing happening; times where one is disgusted by the other due to the previous unpleasant experiences, building up fences around, in case that particular person is to bring the history back to live. Typical people who not know the term of letting go. It is not a sin to carry the past around, for we are human beings and we certainly have memories, to keep track on our life style, to know what and how we have been doing, to learn about our existence; however, we are the one who should take control of them, not letting the past life haunts us, having them to control our mindset instead. Looking at the person who we once disliked, we may still feel the same or, we’ve changed our perspectives, having ourselves to see them from a different angle, knowing they are somehow capable of doing work, able to see the efforts they intend to put in, though there are the times where we got dragged back into the black hole, not able to come out from the never ending pitfalls of memories for the several seconds. Highly aware, yet wanting to let go the past time history of ours; we close our eyes for minutes, and back on track to accept the once unacceptable.

Arigato

A day where many wishes been received, from text messages to calls, from a handshake to a hug; moments where familiar faces showing up, with a big smile from the bottom of the heart; slightly embarrassed, in the sense of the hearts of many touches one, and somehow not know how to handle the upcoming wishes though it has been practiced for years. An ordinary day like others, yet extraordinary, compared to the ordinary of extraordinary; be it a note of 50 and 10 been folded up into double hearts, a note from the mother to the baby with the three little words, a card with what the others have to say regarding one, a CJ7 coin bag, a pig, a decoration or a fluffy doggie; it is the heart that counts, which would somehow touches the other, of the person who reads and receives. Smiles are so natural, to be lifted up on one’s faces, to show the emotion, the appreciation, the indescribable expressions; nothing else but to thank them, for all the surprises and preparations. It is still fresh in mind, the scene where the song was sang, all in one wishes counting down to three, eyes focusing on one, where that particular person was speechless, out of words to express the feelings, staring at the dearest friends, thanking them. Hereby thank you to all.

Slipping Through

Moments where we enjoyed the most fly, happiness which we wanted the most does not last long enough to satisfy our desires and thoughts vanish from our mind when we thought we can get hold of them; we simply, never stop asking for more. It was the moment where a thought, which supposed to be a nice topic for the day, slipped through the fingers and the brain, after waking up from the dreams. Went out with a group of three to the nearby café for a drink, where the next two and a half hours were spent on chitchatting, listening to stories from the past, sharing chapters from the future. Started off from the same path and ending in a different one, where each soon to be career differs from one to another; some were glad, for helps might be needed in the years to come, depending on the situation. Flipping through the memories, time flies. Taken the quote from one, changes is a constant, where it never stops, no idea how it started but certainly has no ends. As the fine solids pouring down the narrow passage in the sandglass, the world changes, the surrounding changes, the living beings change; be it mindset, perspectives, actions taken or language. Theoretically, constant is visible. Mathematically, there are times where it would be grouped as one or, to be ignored, for it does not affect much. As the changes occur, we take no action or see no differences, not within a few days or so but months or more. Sometimes wonder, why do we go berserk due to some changes in life, when we already knew it is unavoidable? Either we can’t accept the truth, we care or, we just don’t.

First Come First Serve

A question being asked, that which promises should be kept when we will break one if we are to keep the other. Personally, a simple law can be used, say, first come first serve. Perhaps people may be wondering why, but what’s with the complication when we can simplify one particular issue? We have been complicating things, from what we are learning to what we are applying in life. How do we even get ourselves into such in the first place, that we have to choose breaking one of the promises being made? Do we not think before we are to give someone our words? Do we not know that it clashes with another promise we’ve already made beforehand? Do we simply make promises for the sake of it? Think again. There are times where we need no to choose between two and we certainly been given the chance, just that we missed it. During an interview, we can choose not to use the answer the interviewers have listed; for example, what do we do when we are hitting the deadline for a report and coincidently one of our relatives died? Do we choose to attend the funeral or to finish off our task? Why must it be between those two answers? Why can’t it be we have already prepared the report way before the due date, thus we can attend the funeral? We choose to make promises and we certainly given the chance to not make one, to not complicate the situation, to not put ourselves into hard times where we need to make up our mind between the paths provided, to take on the path on our own, the path that we have created. The action taken will be done, first come first serve.

Breaking & Cracking

Was told not to break promises, trust, hearts and relationships, for they hurt so badly though we may not hear it. Breaking promises is one way of losing trust others have for us; when we do, we might proceed to breaking one’s heart; even cut off the bonding between two, causing changes in relationship and worse, becoming history. We have many ways in solving problems, overcoming the obstacles and similarly, there are different pathways which would eventually lead us to heart-breaking moments, writing a whole new history in our chapters of life. Hurting one’s feelings can be as easy as a piece of cake, for all we need is to be harsh and straight to the point, be it directly or indirectly, where the words would stab through the hearts without much difficulty. However, somehow it seems to be necessary when it comes to feeling hurt, going through difficult moments with all the heartbreaking incidents, forming and breaking promises and so on. There are times where we not know a promise has been made; where the trust in between is not sufficient enough to overcome certain level of doubts and capability; where the hearts are broken by a few words from a friend or foe, the love ones and the strangers; where we lose several relationships due to time, distance, physicality, mentality, spirituality and the chemistry, not only in the sense of partnership but also friendship and other bonding. Once read a phrase saying, if our lives have been so smooth that we feel no threats, no depression, no other negative emotions, we did not live. Perhaps that would differentiate us from walking zombies. Would it?

Data Transport Error

Have you ever been through the occasions where you received a message which is not meant to be read, by you? Have you ever received a message which somehow related to you and certainly not pleasing when you are to read it? Have you ever jumped to a channel where the topic is about you, and you were not invited to the conversation in the first place? Be it a secret no longer a secret, a sealed envelope being opened, a private conversation being publicized at the very end, it is somehow hurtful, even if we don’t admit it. From time to time, the message we are to deliver may slips and come to the hand of third party, which then being misinterpreted or, reached the information counter inside one’s head without a missing letter. It could be relevant, or not, depending on the luck; but it would either bring damage to one particular relationship or nothing at all. Sometimes wonder, how can this be happening? Once it is capable of cutting off the bond between two, does not matter how strong the bond used to be, costing few years friendship and trust. Perhaps this is one of the procedures in life, where certain message is meant to be heard, though it not supposed to be, where it may bring changes, be it something good or bad, where it surprises one or many.

Maturity Adulthood

Was asked to post about the happenings during the camp fire and so, here it is. Due to the last minute notification and no invitation letter received, ended up three scouters attending the event, without troop members. Dull. They had a video presentation, interesting enough, with the idea of black cat and counterstrikes. Funny thing was, we tend to not behave like the other scouts did, unlike the times when we were still senior scouts; we yelled, we took part in the activities and games, we walked around making new friends, getting names, signatures and contacts; no more. In another word, we were somehow being not us, at least not when we enjoy ourselves to the fullest, fooling around and telling jokes, with certain limitations; we were taking care of our manners, our behaviors in front of the crowd, of all the parents and teachers, of the other members. Perhaps this is one of the cultures, which being performed all around the world, that we stop being us when it comes to a certain age, that we be what the others want us to be, that we be someone we may not be if and only if this is not one of the must. Have you ever wonder which is the real you? Does it ever come to your mind that, this is not a must? Or simply, why? Why are we being no fun when we’ve entered the adulthood? Why do we even bother about what the others have to say about us? Why don’t we step out of the so called “mature zone” and be what we used to be? We just don’t.

Don't Know Why

Happen to notice one phenomenon, which is the fact that people tend to ask why when we’ve already mentioned that we do not know the reason why. How many times we’ve said we know nothing when there are still those who come up and ask what we actually know; how many people would stop asking further questions when we already warned them to leave us alone; how often it occurs that we start thinking when people ask us why for the second time and give them some answers for the very least, be it to stop them from coming up with more questions or simply, we ourselves want to know the truth as well. Perhaps it is due to the reason that people tend to focus on the main point rather than the sub; that they tend to not notice the answer which is already stated along before they are to ask; that they just want to know why; that they actually care. And similarly, facing the people we are close with, people we do not mind sharing our stories with, people we like to chat with, we would be pleased going into deep thoughts, just to come up with an answer to their curiosity and concern. Maybe, they are the reminders given to us, the listeners, the helping hands and the inspirations; for whatever we do, whichever path we take, whoever we’re having problem with, they are there, for us. Why? You tell.

Disagreement

We’ve always known that men and women are two completely different creatures, for they have a different thinking, different point of views, different ideas on many. However, there are times where there are the disagreements even between the same genders, though they may somehow come to one at the very end. Once said, we tend to assume that we know one particular person, having one’s thoughts in hand; similarly, we hope someone can at least understands us, be it our feelings or mindset, out of all friends and family members, other than just being close to us. We may talk, we may share and we may explain a piece of our mind, hoping to be acknowledged, especially when it comes to our dearest of all. Still, we forget that no one truly understands another, that even the person whose heart beating in the same pace as ours cannot interprets all the waves within us, that we ourselves couldn’t get hold of our wants and needs, our thoughts and feelings. Why the others? When we think nobody understands us and not willing to share any of it, there wouldn’t be one who knows little of what we have in mind; and when we do give out part of our thinking, we might just understand each other better. Why is there such saying that disagreement lead to understanding if it never once happened?

Fragility

Playing with the rat, checking out its brain and taking out the skull was as easy as pulling the trigger on toy gun. It has been long said that life is fragile, be it an insect, a fish or a human being for it can be easily taken away, without any warning. A world where the strongest would always get his place if he didn’t take the wrong path or decision, where the weaker ones are somehow weaker, in the sense of defending themselves unless they combine their strength as one. Spending the time with its kind, a rat can be pretty tough among the same species; however, when the fate has led it to the hands of us the human beings, it is just a small mammalian, which seems to be so tiny that we can break its body into parts without using much strength. Taking over the position of the rat, we are as fragile as they are; for a single cut, a deep breath of the polluted air, a pain in the chest, a knock on the head can be fatal in the current days. Perhaps there are times where we ask ourselves when our last day would be, how many people would cry for our leaving, what the last impression would be before we are to leave. Some value the life better, some don’t; some cry for another loss of life, some feel relieved knowing that particular person has finally escape from the pain; some tend to threaten the others with one’s life, some use the life to build more; some know how fragile a life can be and some don’t. When we know the fragility of our lives and not appreciating it, how much do we know?

Zoom In

Funny thing it is, we don’t usually look into our surroundings unless we somehow got ourselves involved. How often do we notice the “P” license on the streets if we didn’t been through the stages? Do we even bother to learn the direction if it wasn’t because of us loving the food at USJ23 or driving all the way to One Utama with friends? Do we not start shopping for earrings only after we can wear them? We may not know how to differentiate Form6 from the lower forms if we have not met one or be one; we may not know the whereabouts of one shop if the people around didn’t introduce us to; we may not know one particular person or teacher if he did not catch our attentions, if he is not a teacher of ours. We go beyond our lines at times just to make sure our friends are alright while we keep a certain distance in between when it comes to strangers. We tend to focus on the things we’ve known rather than those we have not and when we are exposed to one, we would start exploring the world in a better and bigger pace. Similar to the principal of concentrating on one’s weakness or strength, we somehow let the emotions and memories control us, zooming in when we feel like it, when we want to, despite the times where we can’t.

Gap in Between

We tend to use “generation gap” at all times, or perhaps, most of it; and very often, we refer to two generations instead of individuals. Whenever we say something is cool and the elders think it’s not, it would be due to the generation gap; whenever we want to travel around the world, to know things better and object by the elders, it would still be the fault of generation gap; whenever we couldn’t communicate between one another, we would somehow put the blame on the generation gap. However, never once it happens when it comes to friends instead of the elder generations. When we think a blouse is cute and the friend thinks it’s ugly, it is because of us having a different taste in dressing ourselves up; when we say overseas are always better than our homeland and the friend thinks the other way round, we would think that he’s just being patriotic; when we couldn’t reach a friend’s mind, we often tell ourselves that everyone needs some time for his own and it is not necessary to know every single little details if he himself does not want to share. Have we ever thought of the gap actually exist in between the individuals and not only the generations? Age is not the main root to the fact that some of us cannot interact with the elders, but the thoughts and mindset. We hardly open up toward the others, with different lifestyle, different perspectives, especially when it comes to the older generation ones. Surprisingly, we bear with our friends better than with the family members, sometimes; with the gap in between.

Poem: Dream of Dream

We dreamt of dreaming, where a story being told.

Times where the tears are real and maybe the lines too.

It was a dream being left alone, with the brother gone.

One of the dearest, off he go to a different land and culture.

He was sponsored, by the eldest.

In school uniform, along with the others he stood.

Eyes with the same expression as ours, was embedded in the heart.

Excretion coming down the cheek there we part.

Along with the heartfelt goodbye, a message was sent.

To a person abroad, who cares.

The eyes wide open, realizing it was a dream.

Another text was sent, to the same person again.

Soon discovered it was no dream at all.

Brother is leaving, a fact and is true.

Without knowing, the eyes are filled with liquid again.

Indescribable feelings engulfed the heart, along with its owner.

Tears started pouring down, burning the face.

There the eyes are opened again, and back into the reality, for real.

Coleslaw

Shredded cabbage and carrots along with mayonnaise or any other replaceable salad dressing may be one of favorite side dishes at times, though it tastes rather funny after a period of time when we are taking in whole lot more, as if the pH value inside the mouth has changed. A friend pulled out when we were suppose to share this particular salad, the moment where the enjoyment has been turned into nothing but torture, knowing dinner was already served back home. This is plainly a message to tease that particular person who ditched the dish, and to do as promised regarding an entry on coleslaw. It is to say that we tend to get tired of our lives after a certain period, for nothing interesting has shown to bring the life to its climax, similar to the concept of the changes in taste when we are having too much of one specific food at one go. However, it is somehow a judgment to be made by each individual, whether the life is worthy or the other way round. There are times where we complain the ordinary life, but also, there are people who want this ordinary life of ours. We are prone to be envious, to look up at the others who own things that we don’t, to be someone whom we are not, to want something that we think we should have. Still, life changes, people change too; same goes to our mindset and our taste in everything, be it life style, outfits, perspectives and stands. How are we suppose to cope with our own lives when we are busy thinking of the others? How are we suppose to handle the obstacles in lives when we are busy peeking on the others? How are we suppose to be what we want to be when we are busy day dreaming and not taking any actions at all?

Continuous

Continuous outings can be physically tiring perhaps but definitely not mentally worn out. Spontaneous wants and needs at times direct us to immediate actions; durian feast, two hours at the mall and a night time meeting at the Indian stall. We enjoyed the moments being spent on teasing a friend who is indeed afraid of one particular smell, where another surprisingly played a piece of his mind using the piano; a grab on the clothing we have tried on, the first time ever getting oneself a jean skirt, which unfortunately appears to be one size larger; the so called meeting where the suppose to be serious atmosphere has been turned upside down with jokes and distractions, decisions being made regarding the event week after next. Our lives lead on from one to another, where everything is linked and connected to the universe. A continuous reaction and effect brought about. We may be wondering how and why things happen in life, perhaps that’s just the way it is; the continuous questioning when we are having a hard time, when we don’t understand the situations, when we can’t read a person’s mind; the continuous happiness when we think we are, where we enjoyed every bit of life, the heartfelt thank you notes, the pat on the shoulder, the company of others, the message from the dearest. A bond can be weak or strong, can be long or short, can be long-lasting or maybe not, but it continuously form and break to the very end. We might be receiving unwanted blames and treatments for now, but one day it will be changed, for the circle continues going round and round.

Murphy? Not So

It was the time where everyone had the biggest shock in life, where people started questioning, wondering how it happened, where there were those who rest their heads on the shoulders of others, tearing. We have been saying that life is unpredictable, as we may not know what would happen next, for we might be standing here talking at this particular moment and lying down on bed the next. We have people who dislike jokes when something serious occurs, people who want to make the situation better by fooling around, people who tend to be tough though they are to breakdown, people who are not afraid to tear in public, people who want to keep everything to themselves instead of sharing it, people who need listeners in order to feel better, people who non-stop asking for opinions regarding their own problems and forget about the others, people who remember those who listen to their stories and last but not least, people who don’t mind mentioning the death, people who prohibit the others from discussing negative issues. Sometimes things just happen, though we are told to expect the unexpected, where the unexpected would then b expected. However, there are times where we still think the unexpected are unexpected and the expected become unexpected too, even when we expect the unexpected to be expected and the expected remain to be expected. Murphy’s Law, they say; where anything that will go wrong will go wrong. Still, don’t suppose it applies for all occasions, depending on individuals.

Guess Guess Guess

We use eraser as a dice, rolling for answers when we come to a dead end sitting on one particular paper and there are even times where the probabilities come in handy, 25% on hitting the bull’s eye. Through observations, we tend to try getting hold on a person’s mind and mood, hoping that whatever we’ve said may reach him in any ways possible, hence open up his heart. When it comes to shares, we even predict the outcome of the following day through the history, hypothesis being made and the things happening around, be it political or economical. To open up a whole new market, researches must be done, assumptions shall be made and the result is all we have to wait. How long have we been guessing the outcomes of all? The next era of politics, the champion of one particular competition, the intentions of a person, the mindset of the others; never once we missed the chance on giving our luck a shot and anxiously we look forward to the finals. When we are to hold a research based on human behaviors or whatsoever, we first guess the resources, reasons and results; hypothesis, they said. We deal with numbers everyday, whether we like it or not and similarly, we often use our luck as the credit in life; there are times where we win the bet, there are times we don’t while the payment would be determined based on what and where we are placing our bets on, where the slightest mistake may bring us no good, no good at all.

Ex. Friend.

How many can leave their past at one side and move on? How many actually hold on tight only to the memories while they are living in present? How many handle their feelings with care, knowing when to let go of their hands and when not? How many have scars all over their bodies, hearts and heads after being involved in one particular relationship? There are those who know how to be stubborn enough to continue living in the heads of theirs, feeding on the memories and words one used to provide; people who can’t go back to who they were before the relationship blossomed, thinking their lives have turned into nothing but failures and depression; they who known their ex as ex but not friends, though it has been said that they will remain as friends after the incident taken place. Could it be that their past memories leave them such joyful moments, that they not want to let go the relationship, that one particular person and the memories? Or it could be the other way round instead? One who brought such pain to the other, causing the latter not able to get the former out of the head, where the terrifying memories stay. Indeed, it may be hard to just forget everything in a blink of an eye, but doesn’t mean we will remember them for the rest of our lives as we may no longer have a good picture of what had happened in the days to come. When we truly known the person who we once loved as a friend, we have indeed let them off from our hands.