Countdown

Heard the performances are getting worse year by year at one particular countdown venue. Same old routine every year, the group wanders around the area, while waiting for the very last event of the day, countdown to the following day, a special one. Among the crowds, we could hardly find a person who appears to be alone, only in groups or in pairs. With the sights of hugging and holding hands, we know they are not there merely for countdown, but also, precious time being spent together with the dearest, friends and family. When we are to say someone special, it is either he alone gives us the unforgettable memories or, he simply wins our heart; when we are to note a day as special, it is either when most people say it is special or, it is already one in our very own ways. Sometimes wonder, what are the purposes of countdown anyway? Perhaps it is the atmosphere where friends and strangers gather around celebrating one particular event, be it as one community or passersby in life. Moreover, to have the closest standing by our sides watching fireworks, sharing one of the few most memorable moments of our chapters is one of the best we can ever ask for. When the bond exists in between, when we share the common idea and when we stay true, holding on to fate; we find a whole new perspective, an angle of viewing the lives of ours, of others and together, we countdown to anniversary, to New Year and to miracle of reunion.

Invitations

Invitation to a conversation, to a birthday party, to a dinner with the family; as a friend, as a guest, as the close ones we attend different functions, bringing different memories to us and the others. There are times where invitations are delivered through the people involved or, cards and emails. Certainly, we may be the invited and also, the inviters; in the sense of we invite the others or, we invite ourselves without the need of people sending the invitations to us. We have met different people, in different timing and situations in life, where it can be denoted as we are invited into their lives, when ours clash with theirs. Sometimes wonder who first sent out the invitation, which is pretty hard to tell. We have been told that, or perhaps, we have been saying that fate brings us together, with the aid of time and also, us. Recalling the days we first attend some classes, where we know no one else but ourselves and that is when we either approach the others or, waiting to be approached. There can be the situations where both parties meet and the relationship blossoms, be it friendship or partnership; where they welcome each other into their lives in the same time, though the occurrence is a rare sight. We invite ourselves to join, to stay and to leave, be it the lives of others, or the lives of our own; others invite us to merge, to bond and to break, be it theirs or ours; time and fate send us the invitations, be it pairing us with the right person or the other way round. All of that, only the destiny can tells, after we’ve received the invitations of life.

Prices Paid

Whatever we’ve chosen and whatever we’ve done will eventually guide us to where we are destined to be, changing our fate little by little to the point where we couldn’t accept it at times. Unlike the storybooks where the writers would determine the endings on their own free wills, we are not fully having control of our lives, for the slightest luck may affect the outcome. We pay for what we get and even times where we pay for what we don’t get; similarly, we pay for what we do and what we don’t do. We may not be getting the best for helping a person in need, but we would receive the reward down the journey of life; we may not be feeling the changes after a decision being made, but we would definitely get it someday. Though we are told to do what we are supposed to, we might still have them slipping off our minds, hence receiving replies for the actions taken in life. When it happens, we defend; when we defend, we give reasons; when we give reasons, we are actually giving excuses. Reasoning might explain the situation, but somehow, it would still sounds like excuses, especially when we are too angry to listen to one. A smile may costs a person’s heart, a single word may costs our friendship with the closest and a picture may costs the trust of others; prices to be paid when we choose an option, when we not brave enough to step aside, when we not know how to react for the very first time.

Rhythms

Every piece of music has its very own rhythm, its very own lyrics and its very own messages to be delivered. We may fall in love with the simplest piece, as long as it is able to attract our attention, to capture our feelings on that moment, to express ourselves better, depending on individuals. Similar to us having a different pace from one to another, the rhythm plays a vital role in deciding the future of that very song, whether it would touch the hearts of many or simply, irritating. Our lives too have their very own music, which may changes from time to time according to the situations we are currently facing. Say, we may be humming an unknown rhythm, something we created on our own or maybe, the combination of several pieces of music, where each is unique and limited. Why are we trying so hard to create the exact same piece as others, to time ourselves in competing with the rest of the world, when we know we can never achieve the so called ‘cloning’ among us? This is a question and yet, a phenomenon in our current society. To search for the music in us, we first look into our hearts; to recognize our own rhythm, we first observe ourselves rather than others. Appreciate the people we love, cherish the happy moments we have, treasure every single day we live and use the time we have wise. In our very own pace, we walk down the journey of life while observing the beauty in Nature, in mankind; with our very own rhythms, we sing to ourselves, to the others, to the world.

Brainwash

Rain washes over the land, sweeping away the sorrow and happiness, where we are able to start a brand new day right from that moment. Indeed there are times where we fail to put down the disappointments and blows we’ve received from the dearest and the expectations of ours; nevertheless, we’ve lived and still are. Very often, we would ask for forgiveness but always, we’d love to have an alternative path, an option to change our direction of moving forward. We aim for the better ones, with the desire of not going through more unwanted happenings; we want to forget, to wash off, to brainwash ourselves when the worst has taken over. We let the time decides our future, with a certain amount of efforts we’ve chose to put in; we let the time proves to us, that we are right from the beginning of chapters; we let the time brainwashes us, exchanges our mistakes with self forgiveness. A human act it can be, a desire it can be; we heal our wounds through the loss of time, we achieve our goals after a certain period of time. At the very end of the day, we are still dependent on time, where it would mold us to who we were, who we are and who we will be; where it would take us to the other corner of the Earth; where it would brainwash us when it is necessary, varies from an individual to another. In the days to come, we would realize our dreams which have been tossed aside, we would remember the silly old memories we’ve already coded in, but overall, we would only have pieces of the past in our hands, for we’ve been brainwashed by the time itself.

Testing One Two Three

This could be familiar to many, where a test would be given when the time is right, be it two Mathematics questions to find out our strengths and weaknesses or, a game where the loyalty and love will be tested in less than ten seconds. Back to the time where the bonding was still there, we called a group of friends, telling them one of us left without notification and that we are worried. Soon enough, the phone non stop ringing, showing on screen the different numbers from all the four boys while the girls who created the joke sitting in a circle, laughing. Naïve it could be, with the simplest desire; to know someone actually cares. It may be common, but many are still in search for it, despite the fact that it is everywhere. In the current days, there are plenty of such tests created; a girl teased the boyfriend on Valentine’s that she wants to break up, a joke that one is going to die and many more. We may hear it from a child, a teen and even adult. Surprising? Not. A question asked on what can be done in order to prove one’s love; a student questions the necessity of going through examinations in order to prove the knowledge learned; situations where some wonders the need of doubts, and some don’t. We feel insecure, but we do not share it often; we know what to do, but we fail to overcome the fear of trying; we do not like taking tests, but we’d love to give one anytime, anytime at all.

Not Us

We can tell the others what we think they should be and what they can be, regardless the fact that we ourselves may not be able to accept the so called ideas and advices when we are in their shoes. Perhaps this is one of the phenomena that we not necessary to take responsibilities over the two cent opinions of ours, particularly when it does not concern us or someone we care for. Say, a man tells a boy that study is the least important because a person can always achieves the highest when he has the will and determination; however, it would be a total opposite if that particular boy is his own son, where the man will reacts the same way as most parents do, stopping the boy from quitting his studies. Some may think that this is due the reason of people being selfish, protecting only their rights and neglecting the others or maybe, it is because of us not being generous enough when it comes to our friends, our family and our problems. Personally, it is the choice we made to protect only the areas within our reach, involving our precious moments, properties and people. Once a friend was surfing the net and came across to an unknown’s profile which was still logged on in Friendster; he started to delete as many contacts as possible and spamming messages with some of us watching, laughing, telling him to stop. Yes, we know it wasn’t nice but we didn’t try our best to stop him either and why? Simple enough, it is not included in our top priorities. There are times where we may dislike a person’s attitude, ways of dealing with people, the definition of fun and life; but still, most of us would have chose to not getting involved, not doing our best to help or to stop. Why? It is not us.

Long Lasting Smiles

It has been said that one’s cheerfulness is enough to inspire people, to lift up the smiles on the faces, to warm the hearts of many. However, sometimes wonder, what is a smile? What does it mean to each and every one of us? If a smile is not long lasting, does it still counted as one? With the water pouring down the sky, one’s soul can be taken along with the raindrops as they move from a phase to another, where the mind starts wandering across the dimension, focuses on nothing but the flow of the untouchable time. Rhythm of the natural occurrence brings a person backwards, to the moments where the incidents taken place, where the sentences are freed from the lips, where the messages received. Does not matter how many times the smiles are put on those faces, there will be the moments where they would be gone; does not matter how sweet a person appears to be, there will be the time where damages would be done; does not matter how touching and how secure one may feels, it might soon be gone. Perhaps it is the destiny to non stop trying, making sure the laughter stays; or maybe, it is time for us to know, that smile does not last, be it a smile which represents joy and contentment, a smile which shows love and care, a smile which disguises the true feelings, or a smile which tells a tale. A smile with such short lifespan is what makes it worth while, to keep on trying.

听天由命

无助是人们的恐惧，担忧是人类的天性，放弃是我们的权力，后悔是无止境的退路。一波接一波的浪潮，一幕又一幕的感叹，一次再一次的商讨，仍无法善后。一颗心藏有大地，抚育自己的天地，灌溉另类的生与死，创造出无数的生命。成千上万的思绪围绕着小小宇宙，顺着固定的旋律，以自己的步伐闯出一片天与地。这，或许是一切的源点，万物的终结。每每新的一天，我们回到起跑点告诉自己，这是改变的机会；每每来到终点，我们总会重复同一句话，尚有明天。事实也好，慰问也好，一切听天由命。人们是天，人们是命；以自己为中心，以人事物为旁听，只因决定裁决于本身的顾虑，对己，对人的心与力。无心有力者隔岸观火，添油加醋；有心无力者从旁协助，一心相助；有心有力者不求回报，肝胆相照。一切的美好，带有苦与酸，不怕无人知，只怕无人尝，不慌没好酒，只恐没人伴。打开自己的心房，来到另一陌生地带，藏有自己的故事，带有独特的感伤，含有不寻常的回忆，记有不同的自己。写下一切话语，无标题，无定律，只为表达心中的自己，只为记载某一宇宙的际遇，一切听天由命。

Hidden Valley

Every time we share, it differs; every time it differs, we confuse; every time we confuse, we refuse to share. Sharing has always been caring; when we share our problems, we hope someone would be there for us; when we hope someone would share his problems with us, we want to be there for him or perhaps, we want him to know we actually care. Very often, we would hear people telling us that we should let our feelings out of the cage, to count on their shoulders, to feel better. Nevertheless, we may encounter problems in starting the stories of ours, for we may not be a good story teller, for we may not know what we truly have in mind regarding that particular matter, or maybe, we just don’t want to because it might be something personal, something indescribable, something not worth sharing. Whenever somebody praises us, we would always tell him that there’s something more instead of what he has seen; whenever the others think we are great, we would always deny it, though it somehow makes us happy; whenever we are told to cry our lungs out, we refuse to, as it may be personal and certainly not want to be disturbed nor to get attention of others. One specific area hidden in us, where all the stories are stored, be it the forgotten or the unforgettable, they remain to be unseen; even when we allow certain people to enter the hearts of ours, there is no guarantee that this particular valley can be found, for we are not the one who decide who to discover, who not to, but the mind when the time is right.

Limited Edition

With the limited vocabulary, we create a piece of writing; with the limited ideas and thoughts, we create a different version of the same flow; with the limited lifetime, we create a life with no boundaries; with all the limitations, we create a limited edition of us. We can never produce the exact same product with the pen in our hands, but always, a different version with the same style, a different presentation with the same idea. During the learning process, we may have come up with funny sentences with funny structures and ideas; nevertheless, it will be changed as the time goes by when the people around trying to stop us, when we ourselves realize it shall be put to an end. In the current days, the previous so called inappropriate are now taken as jokes to make a person’s day by bringing laughter and smiles on the faces, where each is unique and limited; the limited edition. We, individuals are the combination of different personalities, with different perspectives and different appearances, in the sense of impression in many as they move down to the journey of life. Though we may have found a person with the same thinking as we are, there is still the difference, in terms of facing the obstacles given and choices being made. When we are to align ourselves with the others, who we think we should be; the result may not be the same, for we have a different heart; a limited one. When we think we are less presentable, when we think we are no match of others, do remember the fact that each and every one of us is unique, that we are individuals, that we are all the limited editions.

The Companion

Another disappointing yet not so disappointing day; despite the fact that no dresses capture the attention and look good on that particular person, quality time has been spent with the mates, though it can be rather torturing especially day after a badminton game. Indeed there are times where we want to be left alone, to think, to shop and to calm ourselves down from whatever problems which have turned our lives upside down; however, there are also the moments where we need someone to be by our sides, supporting us, sharing their thoughts and comments, to tell us when we are wrong, for we can be weak at times. Certainly, the so called companion not necessary to be someone real, for it too can be part of our imagination, which many would take it as something awful, abnormal. Does it really matter who or what our companions are? Or as long as it is something or someone who can gain our trust, which we feel comfortable sharing the time with? A girl who hugs teddy bear to sleep, a person who talks to his reflection in the mirror, a boy who plays with the power ranger action figure, an adult who spends time at the bar chatting with the bartender regarding her troubles back in the office; companions in the forms of object, stranger and the dearest, not forgetting the friends and family. A companion can always be a companion, a precious one, be it an unknown or a creature, because the so called unknown is only temporary, not permanent.

Interpretation

Badminton game, suitable in releasing our stress and sweats, whereby we burn the unwanted feelings in us, be it depression, anger or exhaustion. An entertainment it can be, a hobby maybe, or even a solution. It depends on the thinking actually, how we interpret it, how we deliver it, how we present it. Say, a hug. When we are talking about types of hugs based on different definitions and purposes, we have the friendship, the relationship, the family and the socialising. How do we differentiate them? Simply based on how our hearts think and interpret it as. It was a morning when the brother knocking on the door real hard as he heard the water flowing in the bathroom, making sure the sister was doing fine in there for he has forgotten she is on holiday. A misunderstanding which may takes place almost anywhere to anybody. However, it certainly shows how much the brother cares for the sister, when he first thought of her fainted in the shower ever since 6 a.m., to wake up from the comfortable bed, putting on the worried tone and to shout at the door. An ionic bonding may have covalent character and the covalent bonding may have ionic character; a hug can be something warm but also, it can be something which kills the very confidence of one; water flow might be telling us someone is using the bathroom and certainly, there are times where it tells us the other way round; when the cat is relaxing, it may looks as if it is sitting like a human or, to certain people, it has no manners. When we care, we might have misinterpretation which is heart-warming; when we don’t, we do not define something the same way as we would be, when we actually pay attention to, looking it from another angle.

Self Satisfactory

Perhaps it is due to the pickiness by nature, making a person hard to find a suitable dress; from design to color, to price and to size. Several hours spent in the mall and yet not a single dress actually attracts the attention, not to mention the loss of a pair of Nike shoes which one wanted to buy months ago but not able to due to cash problem. There was a to-buy-list but unfortunately? Guess it takes time to find something or someone we truly in love with, not forgetting the piece of wisdom that we should get hold of an item or person when the time is right. Cherish whatever is in our hands. That’s the spirit. Come to think of it, self satisfaction may be one of the reasons behind all actions; in the sense of purchasing something we like, going through all kinds of designs and colors, sighing over the unaffordable prices, telling ourselves that it will be affordable in the times to come. Aren’t those words to self satisfactory? Aren’t those the acts of achieving self satisfaction? There are a few who commented on the blog, that not many would be reading it, that it is emotional, that it is dull but still, it is the self satisfaction that counts the most because attracting bunch of readers and making this blog into their ideal blog are not part of the original purposes of having this link in the very first place. We tend to satisfy others’ desires and needs, but certainly, we would have to please ourselves, before we are to please others.

Bullet Clock

“I had a dream last night, whereby I met this man, telling me there’s a clock above everyone’s head. It is to say that the slower the time moves, the smarter that person is; and that is when I saw yours moving as quick as a bullet train.”

A joke received year ago which now has become an inspiration instead of a joke. Time is moving on its own, not affected by our desires or wishes. Even when we complain the time is slow, it is our hearts and souls which influence our thinking and time management; same goes to those who think they do not have enough time. There is a reason behind those words which may have made a person’s day. Why is one smarter when the time moves slower? He knows how to manage his time well enough to have plenty. What so unwise about passing the time real quick? It is when we miss the beauty of life. What about those who do not use the time wisely, hence having plenty of time? Chances are given to correct their mistakes. Why does time passes so fast when we are into something? It is when we should take a break, a reward given by the time itself. When a person knows how to live his life well, he sees no reason to follow the others; when one asks the other why not spending his time well, who knows the latter actually enjoys the life better than anyone else. We have our very own pace at work, in studies, in life; the uniqueness of each individuals. So why ask the others to keep up with us, when they have a different view, a different life?

Poem: Unpredictable Strike

Yet again, pressure against the chest is felt,

which probably due to the recent message received.

Sometimes wonder,

what makes us think, what makes us sad,

what makes us not us and why we even care.

The uneasiness is once strikes again,

when we are least prepared.

It could be the chilies in the morning

or the unwanted information at night,

where we cannot take another blow right on the chest.

It is amazing to know the news leak without people knowing,

the rumors spread without much energy released

and the unwanted feelings come almost constant.

Perhaps this is what most known as “emotional”,

but it is still, the current feeling surrounding one.

Why worry?

It is what we do best.

Why emotional?

It is uncontrollable.

Why cry?

There is not turning back.

Why not share?

It is a circle, no beginning, no end.

Why tell?

It works as a shell.

Closest to the Heart

It was the time where a not-so-close friend came up and asked who the closest person might be, by means of the one we share the most happenings with; he was the answer and still is. Every time we take an action, be it speaking to one or writing a letter, our original intentions function as the force, which either brings us forward or backward, closer to a person or further from them. Similar to the snakes and ladders, we roll the dice, which would be our actions in terms of real life in order to move on, where we may either be the first who reach the goal or going through one after another tragedy, whereby each step bringing us further from the original aims and desires; closer or further from grabbing a person’s heart, strengthen the bond in between. It is like a swing, where we seem to be reaching the sky whenever we kick ourselves off the ground, charging full speed towards the clouds and in contact with the breeze. How many willing to spend the rest of their time approaching the one and only? How many are there to lift up the smiles and get rid of the tears in the eyes by all means? How many ever wonder the outcome of constant waiting and endless nights staying up late? Once the two jokingly told each other “I love you”, without knowing whether the other person means it or not, till the very last day before one of them is to leave; two close girlfriends start imitating the tone of falling in love with each other, trying their very best to freak the other person out of the game, where the laughter begins in two different rooms and one conversation window. The moments which bring us closest to the heart are the moments which we remember most, which are able to touch a person most, which both the parties may or may not know.

What Do We Have?

Recalling the time back in secondary, where the ups and downs taken place, one particular question hits the head real hard; “What would you wish for if you are given three wishes by the genie?” Well, with the rules of not allowed to ask for more wishes, we usually request for something we do not have, or perhaps more of something we already have; knowledge, wisdom, courage, power, money and many more. And of course, we tend to focus on what we don’t have. However, how often do we ask ourselves on what we have? There are those who live in their dreams, who live upon their dreams, who live heading towards their dreams and always, they are chasing after something they do not have, hence leaving what they already have far back, despite the fact that the original possession are actually more valuable compared to the ones they are now going after. Personally, the past, present and future would be the answer. We may not be who we were back then, but we are definitely who we are at this very second and we might not be who we are tomorrow. On the other hand, our possessions too changing from time to time, from friends to family, from joy to tears, from hardship to materialism; everything except our lives from past to future, for they are already fixed right from the moment we made our choice clear. We do not ask why we are not strong enough to run the execution in order to get rid of certain friends whom we care, why we even bother to ask for permission on staying overnight at one’s place and why we are not who we were yesterday; as it is simply due to the reason that we choose to, that our hearts choose to, that our souls want us to. We cherish what we are going through, be it hardship or happiness, and we cherish what we may soon to loose, be it a friend or a lifetime, but most importantly, we cherish what we have, be it a seat or a date.

Missing Pieces

One’s intention which the others may not understand, ever; one’s idea on spreading the rumors; one’s thinking that others would be carefree without him around; one’s perspective which we might or might not understand, a mystery. We’ve known that our hearts are built with different pieces, not to perfection especially, but the memories, the experiences and the lives of ours on this very land. There are those who think that, with a person long gone from one’s life, the latter would be who he used to be, need no to worry a thing, especially when it concerns the former person. However, how many understand the feelings when part of our precious memories being torn away from our hearts by force? How many realize the fact that none of the torn pieces are replaceable? How many do know that those tiny fragments of our hearts are so valuable, that they will be long gone when they are, leaving the empty unfilled holes on our very hearts? When those pieces of ours are taken out by force, we may not be able to face that particular person, handle that particular incident, solving that particular problem; the missing pieces of our lives, which then not worth a cent, when we’ve given up upon its existence. Still, how much can a person have in mind? How far can a person wander with his thoughts in the head? How different can a thought be, without any approach from the others? When we say think out of the box, how far can we go and how far would we be from the box itself? Where the missing pieces would remain hidden.

Correction Paper

How we treat the others is how the others would treat us; how the others are treating us is how we have treated the others. It is true, in certain ways. Times where we complain why some not treating us as equal, where we not happy regarding an action taken by a friend, where we doubt the girlfriend would once again cheat on us; still, have we ever treated them as part of our circles? Or they simply are passersby in our lives? Have we ever considered the reasons behind an action of that particular face? What, how and why? Have we ourselves ever not being loyal, welcome anybody who volunteer themselves to us? Yes, we can be angry, we can be pissed and we can take our revenge. Nevertheless, have we ever take notice of our actions in other situations? Who knows the moment we are complaining to one of our listeners, the main characters of the conversation too are doing the exact same thing, telling their friends how hard it has been spending time with us. Certainly, this particular theory does not apply for all. There are times where people jealous of our doings, where they want to have a glance of the world on our current position, where they just irritated by our presence in any ways. Those who are being nice to us due to the reason that their hearts tell them to do so, who probably are caring by nature, who take notice of our doings and get us something which they think would suit us better; say, correction paper which already cut into different sizes. When we are blindfolded by anger, we forget about the good memories with one particular person; when we filled ourselves with hatred, we see no love nor we would feel any; when we think someone is more carefree without our presence, he would seem to be though he might not be. A correction paper can be used to cover up the past, but it would be messy and there are even times where it fails to carry out its task, to let us forget about the past. So, what now?

Over Infinity

We have been learning throughout our lives ever since we cried for the very first time. One out of many, we are who we are and no one else can ever replace for who we have been, how we have been and what we will be. We have our very own ways in solving problems, dealing with emotions, communicating and creating the circles. One line which would lift a person up high, which would sweeten one’s heart for the rest of the night, which would melt the very soul of that particular person, which would kill the confidence in one, which would guide people into darkness, which would bring pain to the rest of the circle; say, a father telling the daughter that he does not mind waiting for her because she is the daughter, a person telling the lover that he is coming back, a song presented to one particular person through video conversation, people who comment a person saying there is no future ahead of him, the closest person ever denotes one as cheap and one who tells the world to give up on him. Mathematically, one over infinity is close to zero. Similarly, the chances of hurting someone and lifting the smile on the face are equally low, for God knows how many different sentences available and applicable on Earth, in our communication system in the current days. When we hurt a person’s feeling, we make it up to them as soon as possible, that is if they are willing to forgive; when we are able to touch a person’s heart, it would be our success and same goes to bringing the smiles onto the faces. A person’s strength is less significant compared to the chances of all people gather together, where the infinity over infinity equals to one.

Reasons to Love

Very often, we tend to ask ourselves the reason why and always, we would ask others the exact same question. Why tears? Why love? Why here? Among friends, we have people who wonder about the reasons for a person to care, to not give up and to fight hard; in family, we have those who asking why not home early, why not in time and why not love; between the lovers, we have them wanting to know the root to loving, to care and to miss. Reason seems to be important in the current days, where people can hold on to it in order to convince themselves, remind themselves, telling themselves that someone actually cares. An article was written, telling us that reasons are not needed to love. If we love a person’s smile, does that not mean we stop loving when he no longer does? If we attracted by one’s movement, does that not mean we would retrieve our love when he no longer able to do so with him lying down in bed, not moving at all? If we love one particular person who cares about us, does that not mean we love him no more when he is not there to show us? True enough, there are times where love is unexplainable, indescribable and yet demanding, where the unreasonable love seems to be happening only in the fairytales, where the reasons hold true to existence or it would simple be unrealistic. All reasons given are evidences; to prove that we are right or wrong, to show that it is happening right here and now, to tease one and another. Perhaps they are needed for one to love a person more, to keep one on track, a proof to love, a reason to care; answer to why reasoning is taken into account to love. Still, there is a fairytale in each and every one of us, where we run free with our thoughts, love one with all our hearts and to give no reasons for once.

Masterpiece

We write according to our feelings, to our emotions, to our desires and to our dreams; we write what we want the others to know, what the others don’t know, what we ourselves know and what we may not know; we write about the past, present and future of ours, of others. A piece of writing is somehow related to us, be it directly or indirectly, does not matter how many times we say it is not. Similarly, there are the occasions where we are part of it but we choose to deny it. When we write, we express; when we express, we show; when we show, we leave footsteps; in us, in others. We share the stories and apologize in the same time, for the guilt in us never leaves; we are hurt but happy in the same time, knowing that we care; we refuse to accept but showing appreciation, for we are glad; we try our very best to help and give advises, to show that we care. It may not be what we've expected and what the others have, but it certainly shows another us in our heads. Times where we need no apologies but care, where we want love but not guilt, where we know we should care and not being jealous, where we try our very best to lift up the smile, to tell them we care. The masterpiece of ours lays not only in our memories but also the others we’ve come across with, not only in our doings but also the others regarding ours, not only the pieces of others but also the others of others; the memories created, the pieces of our creations, the pieces of others’ and the universe.

Antonyms

We may be smiling in front of the crowd but deep down we are tearing in the heart. We might not be sad even if we look like one and we certainly may not look as happy as we seem to be at particular moments. Simple, not complicated. There are times where we like to keep problems to ourselves and there are times where we need a listener to loosen our stress, to make us feel better than ever, rather than keeping it inside us, till it reaches the maximum and explodes. Perhaps we do not have one specific listener; for we prefer to share a little here and there regarding our lives and problems occurred. However, there are always the exceptional, whereby one and only one listener would do the job just fine. Lack of guidance a nation falls, but many advisers make victory sure; quote which may or may not apply for all, depending on the situation at cost. Moments where we want to hear only the specific comments from others, even though we request for something different; this is us, the complex mankind who tries to simplify everything possible, be it answers to our questions or keys to Mother Nature’s replies. Hence, there is no guarantee that many advises would all be accepted, since we would somehow adjust it according to our very own terms and conditions. A fake smile it can be or a consolation from the bottom of the heart; to fool the people around it can be or to show our appreciation sincerely; to spend time with one particular person it can be or simply a companion is what we need; to guide one out from misery it can be or it is the heart that calls for duty. We have the good and evil, the needs and desires, the forwards and backwards, the conscious and subconscious; the antonyms of one and another, with or without us realizing it, even with the grey area in between.

Expiry Date

We have been saying friends forever ever since primary but how many do know the fact that it does not apply for all? Friendship has its very own expiry date, which varies from one to another, depending on the bonding and chemistry in between. Perhaps not many find this statement acceptable; nevertheless, this is a fact which we can never deny. We have cases where the close friends spend lesser time together, be it chatting in the net or hanging out at the mall, and eventually they stop contacting each other; it is only after a certain period they would be in touch again where it could be days, weeks, months or even years. The friendship in here is defined as the bonding in between two or more, not only in the sense of keeping in touch, sharing recent incidents, but also the sense of people getting to know each other better, in their very own ways. If we are to classify friendship under one specific bonding, it would be hydrogen bonds, where it breaks and reforms over and over again. Meaning, though the friendship we now have has an expiry date, it does not mean the bond in between will be broken down for eternity, for we might be connected once again, when the bond is reformed. Anyhow, we would still have to cherish the moments we now have with the people around and live no regrets.

Gossip

How do we define gossips? Could it be the conversations between two or more regarding incidents taken place? Or is it stories and information not known by many? Personally, it is merely one of the communication tools and the difference is, some may be interested and some may not be, depending on their personal taste and favorites. Also, let’s not forget that people tend to take part in gossips only when they are not one of the main characters or perhaps, as long as it involves nothing which would spoil their very own reputation. This could be sarcastic but seriously, what makes you think that one discussion is a discussion and not gossip? And why can’t a gossip be a discussion instead of gossip? Even if the so called discussion or topic is among one specific group of people which is less than four and more than two, it does not make that conversation itself to not be gossips. We discuss problems, discuss issues and discuss questions; we debate, we argue and we fight over what we think is right or what we think is not in a discussion. Stories we’ve created, in another word, rumors are none other than gossips from the very first moment we started to pass it around, even among ourselves, the smallest group of all. Think again when we are to blame the others for spreading the news because we ourselves did it in the very first place and do expect the fact that there is a possibility of them taking over the job, telling the third parties on what we’ve told them. Do we all gossip? Yes, in our very own ways.

Changing Snapshots

Remembering the times where a person got frustrated for not able to get his friend deleting one particular picture of him laughing out loud, which in his opinion is not appropriate though the friends around have been seeing it ever since they know him. That friend of his means no harm and never thought of taking any actions such as posting the pictures online, simply, he doesn’t delete photos which have been taken. Perhaps this is one of our many habits that we choose to keep only the nice pictures of ours instead of the random ones, so that we wouldn’t get embarrassed in the future whenever people see it. Looking through the photographs taken in class, indeed there are those which are less likely to interest many; however, somehow they inspire us to think, wondering what happened back then or perhaps, reminding us part of the missing pieces we’ve forgotten. Candid photos of us enjoying the food illegally, falling asleep during one of the lessons, fooling around with the rats before we are to dissect them and so on; moments where we’ve put ourselves aside, our friends aside, our memories aside. With the latest technology, we no longer need to sigh over an inappropriate photo taken, for we can change the fact by pressing a button. Still, how many choose not to change it, but to live with it? It is to say that the past haunts us when we live in it, suppose it would be a total different then, if we are to live with it, setting it as an example, a reminder to our future.

Little Expression

Less expressive they can be, the men can be, we can be. They can be mean, harsh and the worst they can be; however, they too can be friendly, caring and loving, the best we can ever imagine. We may not show who we are in front of the unknowns but we definitely wouldn’t mind sharing the stories with someone we care for, someone we feel comfortable with, someone we want to talk to; be it bunch of good friends or family. Times where we not know how and what to do in order to prove that we care, to tell the others we share, to show that they are somebody to us; one who says to befriend with another because that particular person has a car and coincidently they work under the same company, a friend who rates himself as the worst friend ever due to the reason that he made several people cried and causes uneasiness whenever he raises the voice, a brother who always refuses to help when a favor is asked and never once he doesn’t do his best in order to cheer the sister up. They try their very best to help the friends they want to help, being harsh if it is necessary to wake a person up from the unbeneficial dreams or simply stay close by in case anything happens; they are those who care for the people around and yet never want to admit it, or perhaps they are simply shy. Whenever a comment is given, that they are actually quite close to a person, to a friend, a smile would be lifted on the faces, denying it, with the word “yes” being carved on the foreheads. How lovely they can be.

Special Dedication

Generally, a love letter is to express the deepest feelings in us towards one particular person who is either a lover-to-be or future stranger in friend. On the other hand, it too can be used for the purpose of confession, whereby we let the recipient knows how we truly feel, be it a friend or lover. Occasionally, we would seek for confirmation over and over again though we already know the truth, though we know that particular person cares for us, loving us. Also, we tend to wish for self realization in them, hoping they will know who we care for, the answer to our hearts and souls, without having us to overwork ourselves, showing them the love we have for them. Still, after the repetition of words, we want some actions; and similarly, after dozens of love we’ve showed by acting it out, the recipients may want to hear the three magical words in turn, or anything significant to them, which their brains would interpret it as love; love in friendship, love in family and love in relationship. This is a love letter, specially dedicated to the dearest:

<3

“Once took the distance between two into account, as one determining factor out of many when it comes to relationships and yet, the perspective has been changed years later; because of you. The growth in mindset increases rapidly. Not only it depends on the incidents encountered, but also the person met; and you, are one of them. Nothing stays strong as ever without having to work on it and no relationships last forever without having the two persons involved working it out. With the words and assurances of yours, the smile has never faded, nor the faith in you; with the encouragements and supports from you, loneliness is nothing, nor the despair ahead; with your love and your smile, it is truly part of the life, where the perfects perfect the journey down the road. Thank you for the memories you’ve given, thank you for the concerns you’ve shown and thank you for the lessons being taught; to care, to miss and to love.”

Ragnarok Reunion

Met up with an old friend after the last gathering four years ago, where we then chit chatted for an hour or so while having our dinner; topics involving the previous experiences in one specific online game, where we slowly recalled the happenings. It was the very first time where a dinner with friend is a meal which is served in Chinese style, with several dishes and a bowl of rice. Other than the repeated “advice” on taking more vegetables, few stories were shared based on how, why and what happened back in the illusionary world, Ragnarok Online. There are times where people think gaming is not good for many, students especially; for it is rather addictive and influential. However, it too may change a person, bringing the best out of him, where he could learn from the mistakes and what we don’t usually do from the text books; socialising, communicating and interacting, terms with similar explanation but not thoroughly. Twenty four hours in front of the computer, a wake up call for another monster battle in the middle of the night, face to face conversation after months knowing each other, hence developed another sisterhood. Pretty cool experiences down the journey of life, despite the fact that there were some unpleasant memories where certain bonds are broken and failed to reform. Still? It is the imperfect which makes our lives perfect.

Hellboy, Bottomless Pit

In Hellboy, it is to say that all human beings have a hole in their hearts, for nothing can ever be used to fill it up, be it power, money, love and the list goes on; probably. Obviously all that are named can be used as fillers, but the problem is, can they hold long enough to last for eternity? Passion lives inside us, which would burn all sorts of desires and needs, questions and answers, love and emotions, expression and disguise; hence, forming a bottomless pit. Reasons why we loose certain passion as the time goes by, reasons why there are those which never last for long and reasons why it remains bottomless as it is even after life; if we never figure out how and why. The reason why we never stop; never once we stop loving, never once we stop feeling pain, never once we stop being emotional, never once we stop behaving not us. Solution to make the filler stays? Never once should we stop filling it up. We have the same black hole in us, but we’re using different fillers as we continue the journey of life. It could be similar, but will never be the same, as we may be using different quality and quantity, or even mixtures; creating our very own fillers. Same goes to our life time experiences, where we may have been through the similar situations, but somehow differ from one to another. What sort of filler you've chose?