Piano Piano

Went out with the usual gang the other day; dinner, movie and hanging out together. During the free hours in between, we went to the piano section, where they have this never ending sale since forever. As the two friends moved their fingers across the wonderful instrument, I found peace, in a way that I never thought I would be, whenever it involves music especially. Feeling amazed and touched by the way they played, by the music notes they brought to live, echoing around the area, I couldn’t help but to close my eyes and enjoyed the performances they brought to the night. All memories from the past reoccurred, as though I was going through them altogether again. From the day we first met and played the part as Maria(s) in the Sound of Music, from the moments where we started to treat each other more than just friends, from the time when we began to stand by each other’s side for both the best and the worst, I know this is the moment where I find friendships in another circle, among the people I’ve shared my Form 6 life with. It is not compulsory for us to see each other 24/7 and it is not a must for us to be side by side at all times, simply because our hearts are connected, forming the little connection in between which will never be broken even if we are separated by the ocean. We’ve left for our future, moving onto a separate path for our further achievements and here I am, being emotional while reviewing the videos taken along with the background music being played, dedicating this post to all my Form 6 friends out there. We are not alone, for now and ever. Till the day we shall meet again, take care.

Stepping Stones

Many of us refuse to be a stepping stone as we find it inappropriate in a way, worthless and inappreciative. Nevertheless, we do use stepping stone as we aim for our goals and achievements; a fact which cannot be denied. We are educated since young, be it formal or informal. As we grow, we move from one category to another, from kindergarten to primary, then secondary and the list goes on. Each time we sit for our major exams, we’re nervous and horrified waiting for our results to show, simply because they play a very important role in deciding our future, as told. Each time we surpass our capability and score in our papers, we’re being notified regarding the obstacles ahead in studies and that the previous academic achievement is nothing compared to the upcoming ones; hence, the saying of well achiever at young not necessary the well being in the old. The moment we step into the outside world, handing in our resume for a position in the company, they would first look at our latest academic achievement and not everything we have in our files, but without all the certificates from the past, we wouldn’t have the latest one which shows our highly achieved accomplishment. So, aren’t those the stepping stones of ours as we grow? We use stepping stones in academics, socializing and achievements, but to appreciate them or the other way round, it is up to each individual to decide, whether their pay is worth the price.

Holding On

Have you ever come across the moments where people tend to come back to the same question over and over again even though it is less significant compared to many others? Personally have made such mistake in a forum, or perhaps I should say, the very first time I notice such behavior of mine, of people in general. Could it be our focus which is wrongly placed? Could it be our determination of getting our questions answered? Could it be our will to prove our assumptions and guesses right? Sometimes we need reminders in order to recall our main purpose of asking questions and sometimes we don’t. Sometimes we need people to tell us how meaningless our questions are even if they are answered and sometimes we just ignore the fact that they really do and try to cover them up. Perhaps it is just us who decided to ask every single question so that we do not have to use our brain to figure out every single little detail on our own. Perhaps it is just us who wanted to know more about one particular person or task and not showing how much we do not know. Perhaps it is simply just us who wanted to show off with what we have known to those we hope and assume they don’t. Sometimes holding on to a question does not mean everything will be solved in a blink of an eye, neither does it mean people wouldn’t notice how much we want to know nor it actually matters, for sometimes we just got to let it go and be freed.

Balancing

Went out for another drinking session just the other day and as always, we chatted and shared the little happenings taken place in our lives, with the boys talking about cars every now and then. That wasn’t the first time noticing how we tend to adjust ourselves according to the situation and the topics involved, to make sure we are on the same channel as others, with the similar experiences we’ve gone through or perhaps, sharing the better and more adventurous ones of ours. Probably with the intention of impressing others as we speak, to show how much we’ve been through compared to anyone else sitting on the same table, even though it may not be our very own experiences sometimes. Not to mention there are the moments where we wouldn’t mind bringing the others down to our levels by asking questions which may show how unadventurous and indifferent their experiences may be. Well, that’s just a fact which many deny. There’s a research shows, if everybody have their paycheck being raised up for 1% except for one person, his happiness would be reduced for about 33.33%. However, if that particular person has his own paycheck being raised for 1%, likewise, his happiness would be raised up for about 1% only. This shows how much we care for the others, on their achievements especially compared to ours. So, it wouldn’t be a surprise that we tend to balance ourselves as we move on from one topic to another, does not matter we are doing it for the sake of fitting in or to ensure that we are not easily surpass by the others. Oh well, just balancing.

Possible Desires

Can’t remember exactly when, where and why it came across my mind, linking the energy law to our daily life. We are the consumers of all categories, for all categories related; we purchase, we possess and we disown items as we move towards our future. Recalling the time when I was still working and managed to sell off two gambling sets which were about RM800 added up in total, happily showing off to the old man, where the excitement and joy were then put to an end as he speaks, “If the customers are not interested in purchasing the items right from the beginning, do you possibly think that they would actually buy it from you?” Ouch. Guess it’s true. We do not create energy, but to transform it from one phase to another and similarly, we do not plant or create the intention of purchasing one particular item in others, but to transform their very own intention into a greater desire, so much that they couldn’t resist the temptation, hence putting that item under their possession. It’s about the same as doing a bigger damage onto a cracked surface, really. Even in a relationship itself, be it the friendship or partnership, we find all kinds of possible desire, does not matter whether it is beneficial to the bond or the opposite. We have the desire to own one particular person, we have the urge to tell a person off right in the face and we have the intention to put the relationship to one corner until we find it alright. We have ‘once broken, considered sold’ and likewise, we have ‘once done, considered done’. There may be a U-turn along the way to nowhere, but the time has gone and we’re still moving on, with the possible desires we have it with us all along.

Semi-Transparent Barriers Unseen

People from the higher ranking have always been giving the impression of unapproachable, until the day when they actually come out from their room and interact with those who work behind the walls. It is somehow part of the rules where people from a different level are separated, or perhaps we should say, divided into groups with the particular barriers being set. Perhaps it is their ways of ensuring the well manners within the group, between the rankings. Perhaps it is simply the culture that we are to be reminded on the differences which exist. We are taught to respect the elders, though they may sound ridiculous from time to time, still, they will always be in the category which says they know it all, well, at least better than we do, as claimed. We are taught to watch our mouth especially when we are communicating with those who are in a higher level than we are, depending on the occasion we are in, be it the formal or informal. We are taught to respect and appreciate those who are here to help or to guide, even though it means they know lesser than we do, as it is the heart that counts. There is the invisible barrier which is meant to be semi-transparent exists, that we know when to behave ourselves and when to joke around judging from the situations we are in, especially when it comes to the interaction between people from different rankings in the society, club or family. We may have fun and we can be wild, nevertheless, we know when to stop and when to take things seriously, moving on.

源与静

某些人把它当作是游戏，某些人把它看作是生命。

有人成天在幻想它的美与妙，有人不时批评它的复杂与文化。

部分人或许曾经经历它的沧桑，也曾经尝过所谓的甜在心头。

然而，这一切、一切总有它的源与静。

曾听人说，要实实在在的享受过程，就得掌控所须的技巧。

也有人说，这不过是短暂性的迷惑，等待我们去揭晓，后懊恼。

我们为了那不起眼的细节而伤神，为了少表达的言语而感伤。

不喜欢过分被保护的我们，亦不想要被忽略一旁，自己独自黯然。

不希望被看作手无搏鸡之力而不断设法证明自己的能力，我们忘了原先的过去。

曾经的誓不隐瞒情感总是那么的难以实行，最后剩下自己在旁胡思乱想。

以往的美好不足以掩盖如今的不欢，只因白纸上的黑点总是叫人难以忽视它的存在。

心中的不安之涟漪久久未能散去，直至边缘的一角，再回荡。

将它看作是人生必经之路也好，一小段插曲也好，它已经是我们的一部分。

如果我说我累了，我能够停下来歇息吗？还是是时候下站了？

Bitter Sweet

Our tongue detects five basic taste components, which includes bitter and sweet. According to what we’ve learned back in primary, the region where we taste sweetness better is placed at the tip of our tongue whereas for the bitterness would be near the end of the tongue; though it is said there is no distinct regions for tasting different tastes later on, still, here goes. Wonder if it is how we are meant to be or perhaps it is our choice to look at it from a different angle, that we tend to go for the happiness instead of the opposite and that we like to taste something sweet compared to the bitter ones. How often do people ask which path we are to take on first; bitter or sweet? How often do we go for the bad news instead of the good ones? How often does it even come across our minds that we get to choose to go through the hard times before the leisure comes? Nevertheless, there are times when we fail to differentiate bitterness out of the sweet, as they come together in one package, or perhaps we should put it in such a way that there are times when we can find happiness out of sorrow and out of all disappointments as well. There are those who wonder what fun there can be inside a jungle, camping under the stars and throwing feast for all the blood sucking insects we can find in the woods. There are those who have been asking why obstacle is a must in life, with all the struggling and falling, trying hard to overcome it. There are those who are curious on how people tolerate with the bitterness in life, yet finding them memorable to be called the golden days. Guess that depends on whether we are looking from the inside out or the other way round, whether we taste bitterness out of the sweet or the opposite, whether we emphasize on the happiness taken place or the tears being shed in life.

Fire in The Eyes

We have been emotional from time to time, be it anger, sorrow or happiness. With people showing up by our sides, sometimes we share our burdens and sometimes we don’t, but most of the time, we needed someone who is reliable enough to hold our backs and so we know we wouldn’t fall on our butts just like that even when the worst has taken over the world. Funny thing though, some of us would ask silly question like, “Are you angry?” when it is so obvious that the words “I’m pissed” are basically written on the forehead. Once heard several comments made based on a friend who tends to get emotional all the time and that he would drag everyone around him along into such bottomless pit whenever he does, which most of them find it inappropriate as he should shut himself away instead of behaving in such a way that the whole world goes down with him. Nevertheless, do we not realize that these are the consequences when we wanted to console people in the first place? It is similar to the case where one is trapped in the quicksand and a helping hand being offered would be taken in with no further hesitation, hence the potential of that particular person who wishes to help being dragged into the mess, putting his life in the front line, if and only if, the rescue mission is not being carried out in a proper manner. Indeed we would get tired of listening to dozens of stories containing the same old pessimistic ideas of life, but it is our choice to step into people’s life when they started showing the sign of low self-esteem and insecurity. We don’t interrupt when we know others do not wish to see us intruding their world, we don’t speak further when we see people showing no sign of taking our words and we certainly do not involve ourselves in counseling or whatsoever related if we know we cannot take it, sooner or later. Fire in our eyes does not help putting off the fire in the eyes of others, so what’s the point?

Not Anymore

Due to the urge of hanging out with friends instead of staying at home rotting, several suggestions were being raised without considering the further preparation or circumstances, simply for the sake of saying something lame really. Certainly, such act brought in criticism or perhaps sarcasm for we do not think it through before voicing it out. I want to have picnic nearby waterfall, I want to enter the woods to refresh my mind, I want to hike all the way to the top of the mountains and I want to travel around before I get tied down by expectation in studies with all the test papers and quizzes. Unfortunately, people around are busy with their own problems and achievements which soon to be made. Guess that’s one of the many reasons why we find it hard to get ourselves someone who has the same interest with the extra hours to spare like we do. Couldn’t help it but to notice how things have grown apart as the time goes by and as we grow; we no longer start a topic which does not make sense in the first place, we do not put our ideas into actions as long as they are yet to be confirmed as beneficial and we have forgotten the time when our minds used to wander off elsewhere with the creativity and imagination. We are running out of time as claimed, we are competing with each other in order to gain knowledge and we are in the middle of nowhere as we speak with all the rules and boundaries, expectations and desires, competition and rationality. We were once carefree to speak as we wish and to plan our future as we desire, but not anymore.

Road Less Taken in Woods

Went into the woods just yesterday, where dozen of inspirations kick in as we trekked and during the process, I recalled my first camp in Maxwell hill years ago. We were in the jungle, where the leaders each lead their own patrol, yet I went ahead of mine, jumping onto a gigantic stone as we marched forward and almost fell into the trees unknown at the bottom of our feet due to slippery. It feels good when we know we’re able to escape from life threatening situations, really. That was the time when my patrol leader told me the things which come across my mind least; a leader walks ahead of others to ensure they are on the right track at all times and so they wouldn’t get themselves into danger. Perhaps this is the reason why we tend to watch our feet when we’re following someone’s back, especially in the forest. Perhaps it is simply the unconscious mind which takes control of our actions when we’re the first among the group and that we tend to look at the surroundings more often, especially with people behind our backs who are part of our responsibilities, in a way. Be it in the past, present or future, there will always be the different paths lying ahead of us, in the woods, in the society and in life; roads not taken or the frequently visited paths. During the jungle trekking we’ve come across many paths where we had to choose in between on which road we’re to carry on with our journey, and for safety reasons, we took the road most people had traveled across. Similarly, that’s what most people do when it comes to their lives. Still, it doesn’t mean the roads less taken are not worthy enough for tryouts, sometimes.