Worse for The Better

From time to time we realize jealousy kills, does not matter whether it is the strongest friendship ever or the few days old partnership. It was the old man’s advice which hit me hard on the head, recalling the time where similar incidents taken place, where most of us apply the same concept even when we were in high school back then. Always, we get envious when someone else possesses what we wanted most, which may then develop into jealousy and hatred. Always, we would look forward to the worse than the better, in the sense of us hoping the others not able to achieve what we are capable of, but never the time where we wish to work harder and surpass them instead. How often do we tell ourselves to be better when there is a competition and not wish the rivals would fall, thus not able to compete anymore? How often do we not want to be better than everyone else, where the others would look up to us and seek for our opinion whenever there is a problem occurred? And how often do we answer the questions above without thinking it twice or more? Generally, we want to surpass many others, but the question is, do we choose to be better by having the others falling, or upgrading ourselves to a higher level?

The Mess

No pain, no gain; every obstacle leads to a decision made and every heartache brings us to a whole new level. We may or may not have learned our lessons after every lie and disappointment, but we would have a rough idea on dealing the following challenges coming right up. Every now and then, we might get ourselves into such mess that we'd probably never have imagined ourselves to be; not knowing how to deal with it, not wanting to accept the fact that it is happening to us and hoping it would end as soon as possible. However, there are times where we clean up the mess others have left us instead of the ones we've caused. Perhaps it is just us who are not willing to take the responsibility of whatever we've let our hands on, or perhaps we are simply being the so called considerate and kind of helping others. Nevertheless, not noticing our own problems and the mess we've caused many others are one of our habits by nature; the reason why we did not take note of our weaknesses in the first place and why there are the countless mess still.

Rejection

Most rejection comes with disappointment, anxiety and desperation, which one may take as the end of the world and dreams, forgetting the fact that there is still hope if we put in the right amount of hard work at the appropriate time, along with luck and opportunity given. From time to time, some find rejection cruel and mean, as the so called chances have been taken away while some take it as a lesson learned and push themselves forward to a higher level. We may try to please everyone, but the truth is we can’t. We may want to say yes to all opportunities but there will always be the times where we have to choose in between two. We have the rejected items, the rejected emotions and the rejected lives, as we refuse to keep the objects which are no longer functional, not wanting to associate with the negative emotions and reluctant to interact with the people we are not fond of. Is rejection really that unacceptable? Maybe, maybe not; as there are all kinds of causes to rejection, be it due to selfishness or simply our own preference.

Transparency

It s to say that all lovers must be true to each other, in the sense of sharing every single little detail which has taken place in life, being the so called transparent, be it spiritually or emotionally. Personally, it is unlikely to happen, as we are biased in nature and tend to leave out the little information here and there. We summarize, but it doesn’t mean we are good at it, or perhaps I should say, we include only the details which may benefit us, in a way that we can or cannot imagine. To be emotionally true, we must first share the feelings from the bottom of our hearts, but when is our true feeling shown? Is it when we are overwhelm by emotions and loosing our heads? Or is it the time where we are cool and able to think straight? We are told to share all past, present and future, but how many would reveal their darkest secrets which have been hidden for ages? There is this fear planted in us, not wanting to share everything just yet, for we are feeling uncertain and insecure, not knowing where the path we’ve chosen would lead us to, not knowing whether the things would change between us and that special someone, not knowing how long it can last. 

Poem: I Heard

It was told by the third party, 

who shouldn’t have known.

It was that very same keyword, 

giving away the truth.

It was a day where one expected least, 

yet unsurprisingly discovered the unexpected.

It was a story being told, 

which then spread across the network.

It was an anonymous as told, 

which we’ve already known it wasn’t.

It was the time which we most fear of, 

when we realized who the storyteller was.

It was the day where we started building up the wall of defense, 

when the conversation started with the words “I heard”.

Dependent

Always, we are told to be independent, to not always count on others whenever an unwanted incident comes up. However, one can never stand the loneliness when it strikes our hearts, be it when we are surrounded by people or when we are left alone at one corner. We need someone at desperate times; a lover who shares part of our souls, a friend who is there by our sides and a family who warms our hearts. How independent can we be when we can’t even overcome the loneliness which has the capability of swallowing one’s soul? How independent are we when we always seek for company, even when we come to a place unknown? How independent should we be when we are either the lone wolf or the last person on earth? We are the dependent creatures, who need support and help in order to be successful in our careers; who cry alone in the dark when we know we have no one to count on; who always look for the familiar faces on the streets though it is unlikely for us to meet one. Perhaps it is a belief that being independent is a form of power, where we can survive by our own and not being a burden to the others. Perhaps it is simply a state of hypnosis where we refuse to accept the fact that we are dependent and not as tough as we think we are. Maybe it is us who are trying hard to be as strong, maybe it is our need that we want to be independent or maybe it is just us, wanting to be the almighty and ignore the weaknesses we possess.

Folio

It has been quite a while since the last update; guess the time comes where the strongest determination is given up. A year has ended, followed up by a whole new discovery for a better dream and expectation. Currently working at one lifestyle store, meeting different people from the outside world, where the variety of skills and approaches are needed. Perhaps it is my luck that the people I’m working with are friendly and kind, not to mention I get to meet some new friends from the opposite. Perhaps my time is yet to come, to face the challenges many others have been through during their working experiences. We may be doubtful regarding our decision of enduring the unfair and lies at work, questioning ourselves why hardships and pain are necessary despite the fact that we are simply working for the sake of having fun or for any other appropriate reasons, and there are even times where we’re struggling hard from dilemma; to give up the efforts we’ve put in and walk out or to continue the misery and receive our reward at the very end. Nevertheless, there are always the happy endings, despite the difficulties and obstacles we are soon to face as it is our choice whether to see the hardships as part of our lives or taking them as the end to our wonderful memories.