After Lost & Confused

All lost and confused, where the sense of insecurity is so strong that we see no future ahead, which somehow equivalent to giving in and waiting for it coming to an end. We do not know what to do, yet want to do something in order to fix it; we do not wish to see it ends, yet start wondering the days after it happens; we do not want the awkward moments continue, yet remain silent in the phone for few seconds. Discovering the truth has always been hard, especially when we are informed by the third parties or perhaps figure it out on our own instead of the people responsible telling us; maintaining a relationship has never been easy, especially when there are the external and internal factors which play a role in affecting the situations and problems occurred, be it the differences in perspectives or distance in between. Sometimes wonder, when it is destined to be, why try so hard to stop it, to the point where we hypnotize ourselves to hold on. Perhaps this is a form of perspective which needs to be changed. Our lives would come to an end does not matter what we do or who we are, but that doesn’t mean we should put it to an end right here and now; even if relationships are to be ended, it does not mean we shouldn’t enjoy ourselves to the very last moment together. Everything looks so grey when we are lost and confused, when we couldn’t find our way out and when we are about to give up upon our hopes; however, it doesn’t mean that we cannot stand up once again and to live a better life.

End of Form6

Said goodbye to tuition life yesterday and soon enough, would be high school life as well. It has been one and a half years now, which somehow feels like ages, though it isn’t that long, compared to many others. Some may be feeling reluctant to put such enjoyable school life to an end, that they can no longer spend time with their friends as frequent as they are; some may be worrying that everything will not be the same, for the distance may set them apart and they would not be as not as close as they are; some may take this chance to create the memorable moments together with all the beloved classmates or schoolmates before everything is coming to an end, in the sense of no longer attending the same school as they are. Was once told that the bonds in between 6th Formers are usually stronger than any others, especially when we compare to the lower Forms, for we cherish the moments better and of course, this is not meant to offend anyone else as we know there are the stronger bonds among other Forms that we not know of. There is no doubt that all of us will still be in touch in the days to come, but the question is, how frequent? Well, it doesn’t matter really, because this is only the end of Form 6 school life, but never the friendships in between.

It Matters

Our lives have been unpredictable in a way, so are the circles around us, for we never know what might be coming up, not even the so called intuitions which may be accurate at times. Certainly, there is no harm in planning far ahead but, not everything can be planned for the near future; say, the relationships. How many would want to go through troubles and worries when they are involved in one particular bonding, wondering how long it can last when they do not wish to see everything coming to an end? Indeed, prediction can be made, only depends on the individuals whether they are willing to, for some may find it okay whereas the others think it is inappropriate as long as they are still in the relationship. On the other hand, there is such concept that we reveal our deepest desire through the words spoken and the questions being asked, be it the cravings for food or simply, the hope to see one particular person. Yes, we get worried from time to time, despite the fact that we are tired of doing so and yes, we can’t help it but to wonder about the worst case scenario with our imaginations go wild even if we hate it when it happens. When everything is right, the worst does not matter and when the road gets bumpy, even the most insignificant problem may cause the tsunami. For now, everything matters.

Voices in Silence

Right ear is not functioning well after some pressure applied and everything seems to be quieter; guess that’s the effect. When the air is no longer moving, our surroundings turn silent; when we lock ourselves in, we know nothing about the outside world; when we feel nothing, it is the time where we lose everything. Sometimes we wish to be left alone and sometimes, we don’t but always, we want people to be by our sides when we are to say the opposite desire. We don’t know everything on this planet and the universe but we assume us to be; we know nothing about the true definition of silent but we always say we do; we can’t move on with the helps of others but we insist that we can. There are the places where the silence lives, an unknown area to us the human beings. How often do we realize that we are nothing without the voices around, not only in the sense of words spoken but also the messages trying to be delivered, where we become part of the surrounding, coexist with the particles in air? What is the definition of silence? The absence of sound or a period of time without noises made. What do the voices mean to us? Essential messages that help us live as a man and not walking zombie. What does it mean when we hear nothing? It means everything.

Promises of Assurance

Funny thing though, we have been taking promises as a form of assurance. Always, we hear people saying, “I will be back, I promise,” “I will be a better person the next time we meet, I promise,” “Things will be all better in the near future, I promise.” And when they don’t mention the keyword, it would be our turn asking instead, “You promise?” Perhaps many take promises as the words which would never be broken, a form of contract agreed by both parties when there is no disapproval; perhaps some just like the sound of it, professional and yet casual. Is it our personality by nature that we want people to promise us things which would soon be done? Or it is us who are feeling insecure of the surrounding and circles? Either one, it is a fact that promises plays a very important role in many cases, be it between couples, friends and family; it secures our hearts and souls when the worst has come, it puts the troubled minds into sleep, it comforts us in many ways that we can hardly imagine. However, now that certain group of people start playing tricks using the promises made, it is no longer as magical as it used to be, where we lock ourselves up and observe before we are to believe in the words of others, where we see fulfilled promises as something rare and valuable, where we want the people around who are close enough to promise us the promises that can only be carried out by actions and not just words.  

Blaming Others

A kid fell and knocked his gum; the parents were shocked and the father started blaming the mother, saying that bad things always happen to his poor son whenever she is around. Heartache maybe, but is it necessary to blame the lady? Try carrying a baby in the womb for nine months. Yes, other than blaming ourselves when things go wrong, we even blame the fate, or the people around us. Very often, we would hear people complaining that they are not well treated by their fate, that they deserve something even better and that it is their destiny which causes them to go through such difficulties. Obstacles are indeed given ahead as we move on; however, not all problems are caused by the almighty, but us and how often do we realize our mistakes when we made one? There are those who blame their parents for not able to provide them a bigger shelter, to give them more pocket money and so able to compete with the peers; there are those who blame the siblings for sharing the love from both parents, that they don’t get to own the room by themselves, that they think they fail to get as much attention as the siblings do. We want a better life, but we take no action; we want a better family, but we are not one; we want a better circle, but we stick to the opposite. Does blaming the others really help to undo the damage being done and to take us to a higher ground? Doubt so.

Anniversary

A year it has been since the first entry and today is the one year anniversary; different emotions have been saved and the perspectives are shown in the blog since then. Always, people celebrate on the 100th days of being together, months or even years as they call it the anniversary; the annual recurring date of the past event, be it something personal or the opposite. Time is precious and the time being spent on something meaningful is even more, as it has evolved to be the memories which would be saved in our heads, where the word anniversary is then used to denote the length of one particular relationship or event down the journey of life. Both countdown and anniversary are related to the day we’re looking forward to, giving us hope and encouragement to hold on, a reminder to the past which we can never forget. The difference is, we countdown to the day which is yet to come and anniversary is a form of memorial to the past incident which occurred.